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|Sun, 06-01-2003 - 1:48pm|
I wasn't sure which board to post to, so I figured this was the most relevant.
My question is about 'rebounding' and getting into a relationship too soon after divorce. I've been separated over a year and my divorce should be final within a month or two. I was devastated when my ex left me after 7 years, but I never felt I 'needed' anyone and have always felt comfortable on my own. I pictured myself concentrating on work, finishing my degree, and possibly, MAYBE remarrying years from now IF the right person came along. Basically, I'm saying I don't necessarily feel 'empty' w/o someone.
Well, about 6 months ago I got back in touch w/ an old flame...thinking we had both changed and grown and there wouldn't be a chance of anything happening. I was simply curious how he was doing. I didn't expect us to become very interested in each other and end up in a semi-relationship. I've really tried to find everyone reason things wouldn't work w/ us and have tried very hard to fight it, but I do like him a lot. He's 1/2 way across the country, so we talk a lot and visit about every other month. He knows I need a lot of freedom and space now, and he's great about that. He is graduating from law school next year, so the soonest we could live near each other is in about a year. I think that's a good thing, since I still want to have space for myself. This guy is wonderful and we have a lot in common, but I need to take care of myself before I can get too involved with someone.
Ok, so what's my question? I've read a lot about relationships after divorce and almost everyone says that the first relationship you have after divorce is doomed. Isn't that a little TOO pessimistic?? I mean, I understand that diving head first into a relationship immediately after separating isn't wise. But does anyone out there think that if you keep your head on straight and take things slow, that it's not such an unlikely concept? I guess I see this guy as a possible long-term thing...WHEN I'm ready. We haven't SAID we're not seeing other people, though I think it's understood...but I'm wondering if I should see other people before he moves here (IF he moves here)?
I just want to do things right...and if things don't work out w/ this guy, I want it to be b/c he's not right...not b/c I "rebounded." I don't feel like I'm rebounding, but I guess most people who do don't feel that way. I don't feel like I 'need' him, or that I'd be lost if I didn't have him...I just really like him and enjoy his company. What exactly is 'rebounding' and does anyone disagree w/ me and think that's what I'm doing? I don't necessarily want to see other people, but maybe it would help prove whether this guy is 'right.'
I guess I figured someone out there who doesn't know me at all could give me some objective advice.