Roll call 11/1/13

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Roll call 11/1/13
10
Fri, 11-01-2013 - 12:12pm

Time for a check in! 

Anything new?  An update from a long lost post?   Any lurkers out there that want to pop in and say hello? 

As for me, been married now 4 months and loving every minute of it.  Perfect?  Of course not.  But still tickled to death to be married.  Having some struggles with DD13, but her and DH are getting a long really well.  She still gets mad, but their R as a whole is as about good as it gets with a 13 year old girl. 

Any fears or concerns with the upcoming holidays?  Ours are getting better, but I still have a bit of underlying stress over it. 

So my MSMW peeps, let's hear it! 

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Wed, 12-18-2013 - 3:15pm

I lurk a lot on this board..but figured I would say "Hi".  This is a second marriage for both my husband and I . I really enjoy reading everything on here. 

Malea

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www.askmalea.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 11:09am

Hi, I'm still lurking--it's too bad the activity has gone down on all the boards after the changes.  I'm no longer in the 2nd marriage--we got divorced 5 yrs ago I think.  I have occasional contact w/ 2nd DH--we still own the house together & will have to sell it next year after my youngest graduates from high school.  I really have no emotional attachment to the house, even though I've lived there 25 yrs--it's actually hard to maintain a big house by myself, but it will be a pain in the neck to move to a smaller place & clean everything out.  When I have to talk to ex, things are fine.  I think he is doing much better (he has bipolar disorder) living by himself, riding his motorcycle and doing whatever he wants w/o having to have other people around.  I think it was too much for him to deal with living w/ 3 kids--too bad I didn't know that before we got married.  My kids are doing well.  My DD is 24--she moved away to get a nursing job & she likes it and also has a BF.  My DS is 18, very smart & looking at colleges.  Things are a lot more peaceful not having 2nd DH and his DD around, I can tell you that.  Unfortunately I haven't dated hardly at all--it seems like when you are a woman over 50, you might as well fall off the face of the earth--I have so many single friends who are great women who can't find anyone either.  But at least I have a lot of single friends now.  I took up ballroom dancing about 2 1/2 yrs ago and met a lot of nice people to do things with.  It just would be nice to have a date once in a while.  I am not ever looking to get married again but a relationship would be nice.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-25-2013 - 1:13pm

Hi Nad, good to see you.

This board can still definately be helpful, I am sure.  If him and his xW didn't have any children, that will make a big difference.  Can't say it will eliminate all troubles, but lessens the load.

Hope you stick around. 

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 11-22-2013 - 3:05pm

Hello everyone!

I'm a sometimes lurker. I check this board periodically for input because my situation is a bit different.

I've never been married but my BF is divorced. Therefore, if we get married then it will be his 2nd.

Before him, I was never seriously involved with a divorced man and at times really struggled with it. They didn't have any kids but were married for 15 years. He was separated when we started dating and has now been divorced a little over a year. I say all the time- I would NEVER date a separated man again and tell all of my GF's not to.

He's a good man and I love him. My issue is that I sometimes grapple with the idea of being someone's "second wife". When you are a little girl and growing up, this isn't what you imagine for yourself. I can't change that he has already walked down the aisle with someone but admit that sometimes I feel bummed out about it. (Hey, the solution to that would have been to never get involved with someone who was married before!)

Is this the biggest deal in the world? No. And it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him.  It is just something I ponder occasionally.

Boy is this depressing! I'm sorry because I just meant to introduce myself! :) Here is something good: It is Friday and work is done in about two hours!

 

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 11-15-2013 - 12:03pm

So good to see you Starting!  I feel for both you and your DH.  None of it is easy. 

I was actually thinking of you a couple days ago as me and DH were talking about Thanksgiving and my family.  My DH feels slighted and thinks my two grown kids are rude to him.  Maybe so, but in an indirect way and  not intentional.  Little things like not saying "hello" to DH when they come by (which is rare) or at a family event.  They truly are not outright rude, they just aren't around him enough to get into any kind of groove. 

We both have kind of accepted that although we wish it was different, it is not the end of the world and we focus on our our marriage and my DD13.  I can develop with my grown kids, regardless. 

I am going to send you a private message. Again, so good to hear from you!

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 11-15-2013 - 7:36am

Hi, all!  I admit since all the changes, I rarely even try to sign in anymore, but it was nice to see a couple posts.  Things have really quieted down here.

My second marriage ist still going...but it's been a rough year and we almost didn't make it.  SS20 was still living with us...dh trying to move him forward, HIM doing drugs again.  I was frustrated with both of them and threatened to move out.  Long story short, dh kicked SS20 out, he came back a week later (AGAIN) all beat up after using meth for a week.  Dh got him into rehab where he's finished and is now living in a halfway house and looking for a job.  He continues to be a problem in our marriage because dh still wants to talk about him and I don't.  I've disengaged and simply don't want to hear about him until he's been on the straight and narrow for at least a year and has gotten a life.  My biggest nightmare is him moving back iin with us and the drug merry-go-round happening again.  I told dh if SS20 moved back in, I'd move out which dh would let me do. His favorite saying is "I have an obligation to my son!"  He'll be 21 next month, so really...at what age is that obligation over???  We've fully supported this kid for 3 years while he's ruined his life with drugs and I'm done and have disengaged which dh hates because he still wants to talk to me about him.

Now dh has lost his job, so we are struggling with that diemma and all dh seems to do is worry about his kid...saying things like WE can't afford to pay COBRA for health insurance.  THAT money could buy SS20 a used car one day and how is SS20 going to be able to continue his meds (anxiety & depression)  AHHHHHH  DH doesn't even have a car (he had a company car) and he and I will be risking everything if we don't have insurance and something happened to one of us.  I wish dh would  worry more about us and let the government help his son as the older 2 are doing.  geez

Do I wish I'd married a man with normal kids like mine? Yes. Absolutely. I thought I could handle all his sons addictions and I found out this year I can't nor do I want to.  I just hope SS20 gets on his feet and on his way.  We thought he might join the military as he was looking into THAT this summer, but told dh not long ago, he let it drop as he knew he wouldn't pass the drug test.  geez 

One a positive note, my DD28 is getting married a year from now, but on the east coast  which mean airline tickets, hotel room, etc...and I worry...She's having a bridal shower next summer I will need to attend.  More $$$  My DD29 is doing well in CA...has a new boyfriend.  DD26 I had to take a break from as she hurt me deeply.  She still feels I chose dh over my children and will "never forgive that".   DD22 is the one I'm closest to and see her once or twice a month. She's a senior in college and the light of my life. 

Sorry I didn't have more good news for you all.  I look back on the 5 years dh and I have been together and cannot believe all we've endured...his aneuryisms, his kids drug use, now a job loss.  :(  Well...you know what they say..."That that doesn't kill us!"  I'm just trying at this point to keep dh going and not get down.  He's home every day alone...no company...nothing to do.  He's already going stir crazy after only 2 weeks of unemployment.

Glad to see you all again.  Serenity...SO happy for you in getting married again.  :)  Glad to hear things are going well.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 4:41pm

Hey you two, glad someone was able to reply!  Yes, even though it seems people can sign on okay, just so many little annoyances still exist. 

Just when I am about ready to jump ship, it seems we get a new poster. 

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 10:40pm
Hi Serenity and Alliecat-- I dont envy you any with the "spies" in the house thing.....felt like that alot over hear many years ago.....my SO's kids are older now and not here much (youngest is senior year HS now)................. Only advice I can offer is do all you can to detach yourself from the exW situation and not worry if DH has less time with kids---it's unfortunate, but you cant control it.........look for enjoyment in your own life and the more you think about that stuff, the less you're thinking about the other stuff..... Glad to hear married life is going well Serenity..... (wish I could say the same about these boards and the IT part of how it functions/doesnt function!---I had no reply" option on your post.......so could only figure out how to add to thread once Alliecat posted----cause her post DID give me the option.........) Glad to hear from you both! PS--things are well here...........will post more another day :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 2:58pm

Serenity, glad to hear your marriage is going well. 

Things aren't getting much better here, DH is still fighting for more time with his kids and the BM just moved less than a mile away, we see her more than we would like. (Im still getting the hang of the lingo here so bear with me) My Step son and step daughter basically tell their mother every little thing about what goes on in our home, so it feels like we have little spies here. That's uncomfortable, to say the least. I guess they tell her they don't want to come here, their actions show otherwise though. My stepdaughter seems to be acting very jealous of my relationship with DH (standing between us, the moment he gets up from sitting next to me she is right next to him, doesn't talk to him much when I'm there, etc) and DH thinks I'm being "paranoid" by thinking she has a problem with me. Fun teenager stuff. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 2:58pm

Serenity, glad to hear your marriage is going well. 

Things aren't getting much better here, DH is still fighting for more time with his kids and the BM just moved less than a mile away, we see her more than we would like. (Im still getting the hang of the lingo here so bear with me) My Step son and step daughter basically tell their mother every little thing about what goes on in our home, so it feels like we have little spies here. That's uncomfortable, to say the least. I guess they tell her they don't want to come here, their actions show otherwise though. My stepdaughter seems to be acting very jealous of my relationship with DH (standing between us, the moment he gets up from sitting next to me she is right next to him, doesn't talk to him much when I'm there, etc) and DH thinks I'm being "paranoid" by thinking she has a problem with me. Fun teenager stuff.