Rollcall! Jan. 2012

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Rollcall! Jan. 2012
21
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 6:27pm

It is wonderful to see the board back on the rise again, and decided it was the perfect time for a rollcall and check in.

Serenity

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 7:36am
Just a brief:
How long have you been a member of ivillage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 8:45am

I ithnk I registered a qhile ago, but just started positng a few months ago. I lurk on

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 9:32am
I had to go to one of my postings to see when I registered----2005 !! !!

Where else I post? Living Together at times. I think I had gone to that site first......but found (at the time, anyhow) it to have more young "kids" in early 20's......I was upper 40's at time, and engaged, planning to marry, so "making a second marriage work" seemed a better fit.

What brought me here and why do I stay? My big issue when I started---we had dated about 1 1/2 years, gotten engaged, and I had been engaged about a year (so it seems from date on my profile) ..........and I was hesitant to set an actual date for "MARRIAGE" due to a couple of issues.....one was a financial mess my SO had gotten into during his previous marriage.....and that's resolved. The OTHER, was that he had the proverbial "exW from H*ll".............calling him and raging at him 24/7 (in 2005 would have been a good five YEARS since his divorce with her was final......and the raging calls were STILL going on!). I had a pretty amicable divorce (as divorces go, anyhow) with my exH......................so, I just was not feeling I needed to participate in all of this drama-----yet, (sigh)....while HE had no choice---since they had kids together,.....as long as he wanted to be in his kids lives (and he did!)---he was going to have *HER* in his life also................whereas..for me...........(hmmmmmm....)...I only had to have her "in" my life if I continued with him ! So............I just had a REALLY hard time wanting to (essentially) sign on the dotted line and set myself up for an eternity of this stuff...........

.........and alot of my frustrations occurred re: *to me*, I saw alot of his actions---while based in "guilt" on his part for leaving his kids via divorce (and exW used this by pushing every "guilt" button she could!--she was VERY skilled at this, LOL!), and he simply didnt set boundaries with exW..............he would pick up the phone and LISTEN to her rage at him,....change his plans to jump through her hoops, etc.................. (things did get better eventually ..yea!)

I had one marriage before, over 20 years, and 3 kids of my own who are now all college age and beyond. Empty nest is more a concern now.

Still engaged, have been living together since ? 2004?, and still no wedding date-------------after all those years of "fear" of marrying, now those same "issues" really arent there.................but I feel pretty good about how things are, and I"m not sure how much advantage there is to legal "marriage". We did a medical "power of attorney" which was my main concern.

Interesting on Serenity's story re: her SO going to exW's house to watch TV with son--------I agree there is no "right" or "wrong"---but I think the key is that BOTH parties are COMFORTABLE with it.......................to be honest, I was COMPLETELY comfortable with my SO going to exW;s house on weekends she was gone and seeing the kids there, plus I was even fine with him doing her yardwork etc while he was there---------what became "the issue" was once I realized this WASNT an "amicable" divorce where they each still helped each other out as friends-----------it was 100% him GIVING to her...........yet being repaid by her RAGING at him (and in front of the kids re: what a worthless *&^@#$ of a dad he was!) as well as doing everything within her power to deny him access to his kids if/when he DIDNT jump when she said jump. If, instead, there was a cordial civility I think I would still be fine with him helping her that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 11:41am

How long have you been a member of ivillage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 12:57pm

Happy New Year!

I'm a lurker.. coming out today! This is my very first post. Seemed like a good time to join you all! Here's brief history on me..

I was married for 20 years, divorce became official last month after 5 years of separation. I have two kids from the marrriage, DS21 and DD19, both currently living away from home.

I was set up with my current BF by mutual friends 6 months ago. We live an hour away from each other but he spends most of the week and every weekend with me at my place. He was married over 30 years, separated now over 3 years, divorce will be finalized sometime this spring. He has 3 kids DD22, DD21 and DS 19, all living in different province. He also has 5 grandkids. Even though we are a very new couple we are very close and are planning on eventually marrying. Which is why I have been lurking here..trying to get some insight what to expect.

Our agreement is to keep officially living apart for at least a year, spending as much time together as we can, getting to know each other and also for his divorce to come through. There's no rush to marry but we both feel

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 2:56pm
Welcome! So glad you decided to come out play with us. :)

I look forward to your questions and concerns. As I am sure you have already figured out, definately no reason for the two of to rush into anything. It takes time to heal from a D.

And again, welcome!
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 4:22pm

Mostly a lurker/reader here, but I will jump in now and again:

How long have you been a member of ivillage? Do you want to share where else you post? (It is OK if you don't want to share that)

Since 2007, but was on and off since 1996 starting with ‘expecting club’ then ‘playgroup’ with my youngest child now DD14, and also ‘spirited kids’ re my "difficult" toddler then, now DS17!!

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 10:14am

I saw IVillage ad on another website in 2010, so joined then.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 3:39pm

How long have you been a member of ivillage?

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 7:29pm

Found this site about a year ago. Been posting on Blended Families and Stepmothers. Occasionally on Bio/Step Debate. I found this board last week.

The issues that brought me to the Blended Family board are challenging in my marriage. I love my DH very much and he's a wonderful man. Now trying to figure out if that's enough. Having some real struggles but I know that I want to know how to work them out and so does DH. He's been very supportive of the difficulty I'm going through. Now if he could just be supportive of why I'm having them. :) He's trying. He just struggles to understand.

Known him for 30 years, been together 14 years, married for 10. Second marriage for both. We're both 51. I have DS29 (in the Marines), DD25 lives local, DD24 lives local, DS22 lives with us. He has DD24 lives local. He also has two SDs from first marriage that are part of our family. They are 31 and 30 and are not living local. We have DS8 together. DH has a daughter from a teenage one night stand that he had signed parental rights to her mother. She found him two years ago. She is 32, lives

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