Second opinion on phone bill, pls

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Second opinion on phone bill, pls
36
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 11:38am

I'm looking for a second opinion.... to me this issue seems small and pointless but DF is making a big deal out of it.

My ex is on my phone bill. It costs me only $10 a month. DF wants me to disconnect the phone. DF is po'ed that i pay for it... but i told him i thought $10 was incidental and beside the ex pays his child support on time.

Do you think it's any of DF's business what my phone bill looks like? Is it just an ego thing (which is what i think it is...). Anyway, DF keeps hounding me every month to turn off that phone line and i've said "maybe" and "i'll think about it" ... but after some thought i don't thinks it's a big deal. To me, as long as the ex is paying his child support on time, then $10 buck isn't anything. Also, i think, if i cut it off i'll be creating drama or creating a stupid argument with the ex. $10 bucks is NO BIG DEAL.

So i told DF that I wasn't cutting it off and he got angry. (and now, frankly, he's acting like a jerk)

thoughts? do you see DF's point of view? if so, please let me know... maybe i'm not seeing something

Loonybunny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 12:07pm

To your DF this isn't about the money--of course $10 a month that you would save by cutting off your ex isn't a big deal--it's about why are you keeping the tie to your ex?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 12:15pm

Well, here is one perspective.

Right now you are not married.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 12:37pm

it's about why are you keeping the tie to your ex? I don't see it as a tie. the fact that the ex doesn't have to write me a check. he and i don't even need to discuss the phone. I'm already paying for the family plan because i have my mom on my plan, too. the ex and i never talk. even when he sees his children, i do most (if not all) the communication the girls' grandmother. In fact, i think if i were to cut it off, then that would create more converstaion with the ex then just leaving it alone until the contract expires.

From my point of view, DF is just trying to make an issue out of a nonissue... just so he has something to b*tch to me about. Since normally, i'm the one telling DF to get his life together.

He should still be paying his child support whether or not he's on your phone bill--one is not related to the other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 12:43pm

So, I think the phone thing is a matter of principal and not the money

And i think id have more respect for what DF is asking if he was more honest about his motives. (gosh sometimes i am such a B). It was my (albeit bad) decision to put the ex on my plan. my thought was $10 was no big deal. But now that it is done (btw, long before DF and i were engaged) i feel it is an integrity issue that i don't just cut the ex off because crybaby fiance said so....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 2:46pm

You might also want to take this into consideration:




Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 2:49pm

I think me and Music are going off the fact that you are still engaged to be married. And like Music shared about the clothes, it is little things like this that you just do because it is the right thing to do. It bothers your DF, and it would be a change that you wouldn't even have to question. It would be a no brainer. Think about it, it is a family plan, and you and DF don't even have anything joint together. (I don't think you do)

Which brings me back to it being deeper than your xH being on your phone plan. I think if you two were at a better place, this would either A) not bother your DF or B) you would gladly change it because it does bother your DF.

If am also worried that you are more concerned with upseting your xH than you are hurting your DF.

Not picking your DF's side here, just my perception of the situation.

Just the other day my DD brought out Christmas ornaments from when all of the kids have been little that were hand made. My SO made a comment that maybe she only put a couple of the more recent ones up (so that would be the ones my youngest has made) as some may have too many past memories and that honestly, it made him a little bit uncomfortable.

I said.... hmmm....well....ah.....OK....

Honestly, I didn't see how an ornament my DD25 made 20 years ago would possibly bother my SO, but for whatever reason he is sensitive to it. I don't pretend to understand or get it, but I honored his request because it was the right thing to do. Or I guess I did. I don't know for sure, because I didn't really get it, but he seemed to be OK with what DD put on the tree.

Anywho....just an example of where I didn't feel the need to prove any point or understand, and just honored his feelings.

We all have to decide what is important enough to stand on, regardless of what someone else thinks. Is this battle worth fighting? Is this worth not only a fight, but possibly the end of a R?

p.s.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 3:51pm
HI LB---

My 2 cents:

1. Is his line still "on contract"---so you'd be having to pay extra $$ to bump him off? -------if so, I think, since DF is only DF, and not part of your finances yet, this is completely your call----I'd tell exH he needs a new plan when he comes off contract. In the mean time, I think you have a valid reason for keeping him on (eg, $$ reason), and, since you arent married/joint finances, it's your call...AND, you agree exH is booted as soon as contract is over.

2. If exH is NOT still on contract----yeah, you should ask him to get his own plan. You dont need to demand it today, but he should be doing it.

There was another poster on here a couple of years ago who was in your DF's position---and she was LIVID as each month her BF/DF (cant remember?) continued on with the "family plan" with his ex.

I would NOT be happy if my DF/SO wanted to keep "family" phone with exW. Again, if there was a "buy out" fee, I would accept it for that length of time..........................but that's it.

Another thought----what kind of plan does DF have? Perhaps if/when actual marriage happens, you can switch his number to your exH's line, if there is still a contract obligation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 10:42pm
LB-
Not much to add but do agree with others...
How are things going since your last post?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 10:50am

From what I know, usually if you stay w/ the same carrier, your ex could get his own phone plan, keep the same phone no. and not charge you a cancellation fee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 1:06pm

I agree with everyone else.

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