Situation with DH and ex-wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Situation with DH and ex-wife
7
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 10:15pm

I have a situation where recently my DH's ex had to go in the hospital.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:52am
I assume someone had to take care of the child while she was in the hospital and that someone must have been DH. If the child needed to see the mother, which is important, and no one else was available then DH should have taken the child. Your post doesn't offer a lot as to the situation, but if something happened to my ex and my child was at the hospital worrying and scared, yes, I would be there FOR THE CHILD. It doesn't sound like he was there for HER, but for the child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 6:12pm
No, no one needed to take care of the child while my DH's ex was in the hospital.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:11am
If the children are over twenty, then I think it would have been appropriate for you dh to just tell the kids "Thank you for letting me know, and you can keep me informed." I don't know, but I think I would be uncomfortable if my bf were to feel the need to be there.

Pam

Pam

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:42pm
I don't know - I guess it kind of depends on how seriously ill the ex is/was, and the emotional state of the daughter who called.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 2:45pm

If either of Carl's dads or even stepmothers were in the hospital and he wanted to be there, that would be fine with me. If he wanted me or Sean with him for emotional support or even to keep from being bored, I don't have a problem with either of us being there for him. Neither does Sean. Carl may be 22 yo but he still may need Mom or Sean.


In fact, if it were me in the hospital and he asked either of his dads to be there with him, I'd be glad that they still cared enough for our son to put aside what ever differences we had between us.


~Chris~


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:38am
I agree. My ex & our son came to visit me at the emergency room last year. On Memorial Day of 2003 he called me (after just bringing our son home) in distress..he could not breath. I told him that we would be RIGHT thewr, I called 9-1-1 & my son, present husband & I arrived just as the EMT's had him on the stretcher. Just in time for him to tell our son that he loved him! They then put him in the ambulance....that was the last time that we sw him alive. His lungs had filled with fluid....due to a heart problem which he had sel-diagones as a "sprain". What a blessing that my son was there at the end. My son also knows by events that I have his best interests in mind & therefore we have a secure & loving relationship. Bitterness and/or persons insecurites must not interfere at a time like this. We must look at situations from many perspectives especially when it comes to our children.

dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 3:35pm
Did his grown daughter ask him to come? Is Ex-W gravely ill?

If answer to both ?'s is no, then I think your DH was disrespectful to you for going to visit her in the hospital (especially since he knows you are uncomfy with it).

I like what the other poster said about thanking his dd for letting him know and leaving it at that.

Even if his dd did ask him to go visit her in hospital, he needs to let her know that their are boundries post divorce and this may have been one of them that didn't need crossing. Was this visit supposed to make DD feel better or his X wife? If DD needed to feel better about Dad's concern for her Mom, a 'get-well' card from the two of you would have been a nice gesture. IF the visit was to make X wife feel better at YOUR (new wife) expense, then I think your DH needs a set of boundries drawn out for himself.

Aria