SO split expenses with xW???

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
SO split expenses with xW???
4
Sun, 12-05-2010 - 3:31pm

You all know I pretty much stay out the finances between my SO and his xW.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 12:32pm

Oh man, that's rough. Okay, obviously, never been in that situation, however, this is what I would do.

I'd tell SO his portion of the house bills need to get paid first and foremost, even if that means setting up some sort of autopay to you or the bills directly. Then, I'd make sure everything we have is separate.

I understand his POV, but also, as you've said, things have come back to bite him in the rear. Because they're not communicating about things. Which would concern me greatly. As you said, details aren't your business, but OUR finaces are.

Therefore, I'd cover my own rear and make sure household things are taken care of....and unfortunately, I'd let him deal with the aftermath of being "broke" if that's what it comes down to. I'd also make sure things are kept separately, so no one can come after you in any way.

I say that last part, because my co-worker was living with his SO (his kids mom) and then got deployed (military). All of a sudden, the IRS put a stop on his paycheck (well, not a stop), so that they get paid first. He didn't understand what was going on as he isn't the type to NOT pay the IRS and he was in the military, etc, etc, etc. After some LONG and expensive phone calls (he was overseas), he found out that his SO hadn't paid HER taxes and they were collecting from HIM. How? Who knows. They didn't have joint checking accounts. They weren't married. They only lived together. They gave him all the money back but the point was.....what a mess.

So, with that, I say make sure you're money is safe and taken care of. Your household is taken care of, and allow SO to do what he feels is best with his kids.

My own DH has spending issues, so now that my debt is basically paid off, he will be doing the bills (his bills) himself. And if he can't afford the payments, he has only himself to blame. And since I kept all our accounts separately, for the most part, they can't come after me, nor put it on my credit report. I'm protecting myself from a man who's not perfect. That's how I see it. and that's how I see your situation.

I hope that made sense. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 11:55am

Well this is interesting Serenity.

I understand both sides here though.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 5:19pm

S,

You know we are kindred sisters when it comes to this issue...

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 5:28pm
Quick Reply to everyone. Been really busy at work and with school, etc.

Things in general were really welling up inside of me, so I finally called my sponsor yesterday and felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. I won't bore you with all of my step work I do, but I am feeling much better. Doesn't change anything, but I was about to ready to explode yesterday (not just money, but alot of little annoyances). Now I feel like I can talk calmly about stuff. I was dreaming of saying some not-so-nice things to him in a glorious movie-type fight where we throw things around then end up having amazing make up sex. Call me wacky!

Gotta' get back to work. Thanks to all of you and your replies. I will definately let you know how things progress.
Serenity