Soon to be married.....chaos, and madness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Soon to be married.....chaos, and madness!
6
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 5:12pm

Good afternoon everyone!

I wasn't sure where to post this because...well it's rather complicated.

My DF and I are getting married in a month or so and he has two great kids, 12 and 10, a boy and a girl. They are great kids, love them to pieces, but their mother makes things as difficult as possible She lives in another state, they divorced over 5 years ago and tried to reconcile over the first two years and it didn't work out. Well, now she refuses to cooperate with us on seeing the kids, insists on us going through a lawyer just to schedule visitation (there is no parenting plan in place right now, we are working on that) and we have to travel to HER to get the kids. it is very frustrating, The kids are completely different when they are around their mother, it's a complete 180, they don't even act like kids around her! I feel terrible for them. She is, however, a great mother and the kids are sweet and well behaved, soooo smart and just wonderful people, but it breaks my heart to see them in this position. What's the best way to handle this?

Also, my future mother in law (one of the THREE, long story) sides with his ex on EVERYTHING! Oh it is soooo frustrating! She thinks we should MOVE to where his ex lives (we have a house in the state we live in, and good jobs, with the economy it would be foolish to leave our jobs) and she just takes her side on every little thing! She entertained not coming to the wedding! It's so frustrating and I feel so bad for my DF because I can't do anything to help him or give him advice. His parents are divorced, dad is remarried to a lovely woman, and mother has a partner that seems nice but slightly shady. It is very frustrating. The kid's mom sends mass emails out about the kids and includes his mother, but not him, about the emails. His ex CCs his mother on all emails regarding visitation and never writes us back unless it is to point out that we need to go through legal counsel to see the kids.....

I love this man and his children so much, help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:40pm

I think the only solution for this is to get a lawyer, have him go to court and get the parenting plan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 9:44am

I agree with Music,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:33am

I think that generally parents should be on the side of their own kids, unless it's an extreme situation like abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:43am

He was in the military when they got divorced, she left him for another guy, and she moved away to another state and moved in with the guy, and he got statione overseas. When he came back, she had moved to yet another state, and he got stationed where we live now. It is a plane ride away and the kids refuse to travel with an airplane chaperone other than family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 8:30pm

I don't think this kids would be calling the shots on this unless somehow they were encouraged not to want to go.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:40pm

Simple answer...

Your DF needs to get a parenting plan in place.

Serenity