"Strong Woman"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
"Strong Woman"
6
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 4:02pm

Sometimes it's so strange to get these in afternoon after having talked about earlier.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 5:17pm

I love it when those things happen.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 7:46pm

If you want to talk about strength, staying is easy, leaving is the hard part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 8:07pm

I think this article is a little vague - but in terms of "her capacity for listening to her true self" -- I would have to say that ... I have felt uneasy and un-peaceful about my relationship with the guy I was dating for quite some time. I tried to overcome that feeling of - something just wasn't right - I tried to rationalize it ... I guess I was trying to stuff my feelings. But the truth is - I was not honoring my feelings.

I don't always have the wherewithal to put a name on my feelings - but the fact that I felt a great amount of panic - and couldn't find peace in the relationship - I had to just listen to that.

He and I are "broken-up" again - for the THIRD TIME now - and it's not like we have ugly break ups or anything - but I just know that he isn't the one.

I think the main thing for us is that I never really felt like I came first. He always put the kids first - which I think is GREAT - but every once in a while, it would have been nice if he showed ME a little preference! You know? Like we could all have our turn - and once in a while, it would be MY TURN, too!!!

I can think of a time when I drove over an hour to go hiking with him - and he cut the hike short so he could go to his son's school concert - or times when he COULD have made the effort to come over to my house - one time in particular - but he didn't. It was like he wasn't willing to WORK for our relationship. I was very "easy" for him. He didn't have to WORK for me - and I really want a guy to WORK for me - you know?

I will do my part too - but I want to be a PRIZE for someone :-) Does that make sense??? I hope I find a good guy. This guy was really wonderful, VERY good family values and not a drinker or partier (which can be HARD to come by, when it comes to men! You know?). But in the end, he isn't exactly the RIGHT guy for me. I sure hope my Mr. Right is out there!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 9:00am

CD - your line about not having the wherewithall to put a name on your feelings stuck out for me.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:40pm

"Holding onto a negative emotion is my choice. For me it's a choice that I not hold onto it."

I think that is true - but it seemed like the negative feelings in my relationship kept coming up over and over. I dunno - when I was married to my ex-husband - I think I stuffed my feelings - honestly, I was LIVING WITH a full-blown alcoholic and I didn't even realize alcohol was the problem! I was SO out of touch with my emotions.

I used to purchase expensive gifts of alcohol for him! Belvedere vodka and expensive whiskey. I wonder now - WHAT was I thinking!!! I knew those gifts would make him happy - and I wanted him to love me. So ... I bought him what I knew he would LIKE! You know?

And all the while there was this NAGGING that something was WRONG!

I don't always know WHAT to do with the negative emotions - but I think generally they are there to TELL US something is WRONG! I tried to talk myself into this new relationship - saying it would all be OK - and that it was all in my attitude ... but I don't know if that is 100% true, you know?

I could still be married to an alcoholic, and just plaster a smile on my face - and keep a good "attitude" while he destroyed my credit and the peace in my home - and my needs were NOT being met!

This is something I struggle with - when to let things go - and when to face things head on and listen to my GUT. I guess that is the whole point of the Serenity prayer - to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to know the difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 9:09pm

The Serenity Prayer --


grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.


Courage in this prayer is for changing the things that we can change. It takes wisdom to know the difference.


the serenity prayer is just that.... it brings peace to your inner soul. i think uneasyness comes when we try to change the things we can't and we accept the things we need to change.


great discussion. sometimes, i need to quiet my mimd