Struggling with myself
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|Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:59pm|
I'm just going to preface by saying it's me still having trouble dealing with one key aspect of the relationship..."Responsibility" to the other person...What does that mean exactly? For instance we know that my SO has all these "responsibilities" to ex and skids...but when you really get down to it, what are his "responsibilities" to me in the relationship?
I think I continue to struggle with this b/c what I used to think about (in terms of responsibilities) in a marriage or long-term relationship seem to have dramatically changed since my divorce...and definitely have changed again since my relationship with SO began 5 years ago (largely due to his financial struggle). I guess part of what I'm getting at (although, I feel very convoluted in trying to express it), is that having been married (and having the document that says I was married), didn't help when it came to ensuring that my ex felt any kind of responsibility toward me (i.e. moral, financial, etc.). Additionally, since SO had his affair obviously, that same document that he had to say he was married didn't really help with the responsibility to his ex either (although, we all know that now they are divorced he is certainly legally responsible for keeping much of his ex's financial lifestyle in tact and that of the children as well).
I have to say that the "responsibility or obligation" he kind of has to me (if he even does) doesn't seem to really "rate"in a scenario like that-Does this make any sense???? If that "legal" sign (i.e. the marriage or the certificate itself) aren't the things to ensure the responsibility, what are? I definitely go back and forth about whether it is really worth it to bother with another marriage (ever again), yet struggle with probably wanting him to care enough to honor whatever responsibility, obligation, commitment, etc. there is...Boy, my head is really messed up tonight....so, so, sorry!!!
SO tells me I can't have it both ways...wanting to be completely financially independent (largely to continue to protect myself, yet wanting him to be the type of man who could financially support me (if the need should ever arise due to hardship, illness, disability, whatever), currently, he absolutely wouldn't be able to do that...I seriously worry whether he will ever be able to do that...Am I being unrealistic to believe that has importance...
I know Pam has said to me before to look at whether I could be happy by taking all the "things" away...money included and for the record I am not just solely referring to the money in this post...I am also referring to the (for lack of a better word right now) moral obligation of the relationship, and if we can never control the other person's actions (which is definitely true) how can one ensure that a partner has any responsibility or obligation to us at all?
I'm really sorry for the rambling of thoughts and I'm really not sure if they make sense...