Is there a compromise??
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 08-21-2012 - 9:42pm|
My DH of 4 years is going through a very, very hard time. His father, best friend, the single parent that raised him is dying. He has stage 4 lung cancer that was diagnosed just 2 months ago and is now in hospice care. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago so I can kind of relate to what he is going through but admit that I did not have the unusually close bond with her that he has with his dad.
I mention that he has an unusually close relationship with his dad because in his eyes he dad has never done wrong. He has put him very high on a pedestal and I understood that when I met him. I knew that I would be basically marrying both him and his dad. They are very close, best friends. He even lives 5 houses down from us.
The dilemma is that he is inheriting his house down the street. The house is completely paid for. My DH wants us to sell our house and move into his dads. His plan is for us to sell our house, use the money to pay off my student loans, then move into his dads house and save some money and buy a house and land outright in a couple of years. We have no other debt.
That sounds like a great plan BUT.......his dad made him promise him that he would not move my 2 cats into HIS house. I have had my cats for over 15 years. They are my babies and he has always known this. His dad doesn't want the cats ruining his carpet.....
Does this sound reasonable??? My DH wants to come up with a compromise. I have no idea if there even is a real compromise. His ideas so far are for us to keep the cats but put them outside. They are INDOOR cats. His other idea is for the cats to stay in the garage and only come in a little while during the day while we are home. He thinks there is some kind of compromise that we just have to come up with.
I am heartbroken. I love my cats but am more upset that he would even ask me to do anything with them. He has never had a huge issue with the cats before. All of the sudden he thinks the cats are a financial burden because they ruin carpet and furniture, exactly what his dad has always believed. My oldest cat is 17yrs old and has pancreatitis. He does throw up sometimes but it is very easy to clean. My other cat is 12yrs old and basically is always hidden away unless its quite in the house.
I won't even go into the fact that I would be moving into his DAD's house and not OUR house. I know that he won't want to change anything. Basically in his eyes, his dad has everything in his house that we will need and because his stuff is soooo much better than our stuff (in his eyes), we can just put our stuff in storage or sell it. I just don't think I can agree to that.
Am I being unreasonable? Is there a compromise? I have told him that I don't even want to talk about it right now. His dad hasn't even passed yet and I've always heard you aren't supposed to make any major decisions "during emotional times". But......he is a planner, as am I, and he keeps wanting to talk about it.
I love him with all my heart but have no idea how to solve this problem. Any ideas???