Is there a future

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Is there a future
Sun, 04-13-2003 - 10:43am
This is my first message. I have been with my SO for 16 months. He is 52, divorced after 23 yrs married with kids 13, 16, 18 & 21 years who live with their mother. I have been seperated 8 years and live with my sons aged 9 & 11. My SOs words say that I am in his future plans but his actions do not. He has very little money as has left money in his ex-wife's house for 5 years(a 5 bedroom house with a swimming pool). He wants to buy a house near his kids but his money situation limits where he can buy. He does not want to buy or rent a place with me as is scared of that amount of commitment. He is currently wanting to buy a place an hour and a half's drive South of my home (10 minutes South of his wife & kids). Where as I understand his desire to own a home & be near his kids, such a purchase financially negates our living together for a number of years and makes me feel like he is living in one world with his ex and with his children and I am in another world. In conflicts I also feel that I have to compensate for my SOs fragility in needing to be absolutely sure of my love. I feel that my SO sees love as my going along with all of his plans which are independent of me. I feel that he loves me but that he's not going to let this interfere with "what he needs to do" which is about himself and his children. I'd be interested to hear the views of others