Tough Year

Avatar for johannacc
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Tough Year
17
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 2:57pm

Having a hard time with my marriage, since DH took a second job and we had the CPS fiasco ( Ex-w called CPS because DH spanked

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: johannacc
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 3:02pm

(((((Hugs))))))


More later...

Serenity
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: johannacc
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 4:17pm

Hey there Jo!

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: johannacc
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:59pm

I think anytime someone has to take on a second job to make ends meet, the stress level is going to rise.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 9:15am

OMG, Serenity...I had so much rage and fighting in my first marriage, I do not miss that at all.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 9:37am
you brought up a good point in your comment about SO possibly reacting the way he does due to wishing his relationships with his family were more like yours. My family has always related to each other differently then my DH family. We are much quicker to observe each others need for help,step forward to offer help,and to acknowledge appreciation to each other.We discourage back stabbing,and have worked through family deaths,illnesses,and good times as a team.We are far from perfect-but our goal is to keep the family connection together.Several yrs. ago I asked my DH if he was antagonizing my grandchildrento the point they were crying because his own children and grandchildren would not make the effort to visit him. He was aggravated that I said such a thing but I had told him on several occasions to stop. It has to create some kind of feelings when noticeably your own family has not developed the family qualities you are enjoying through SO family .It has to hurt if you feel there is a noticeable difference between the consideration and respect offered by your own and the once strangers who accept you into their lives as part of their family. It does get taken out on the wrong person. My family worked hard at getting along and working together.everyone of us had had times when we had to bite our tongue,cool down and think beyond ourself with family issues.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:06pm

I know it sounds crazy, and I use the term "fighting" loosely.

Serenity
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:35pm

Glad that makes sense.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 2:08pm

Maybe you and DH could take up boxing for a hobby?

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 7:56pm

Pam,

I just wanted to say good luck w/ your DS going to college. I still remember that sad feeling when my DD went 3 yrs ago--I'm glad she was only 2 hrs away but the first year she didn't come home til Columbus Day & that was still 6 weeks. Now she's going into her senior year and I am more used to having her gone but I did enjoy having her home for the summer and seeing how she's grown & matured. But it's funny, since it's only DS & me--we got into a routine of what we like to eat for dinner (DD is more fussy) and what TV shows we watch together, so when she is home at first it's like she's disrupting the routine.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: johannacc
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:02pm

Johanna,

I just want to send you some sympathy cause I remember w/ my years on this board & the troubles I was going through, you were always supportive and I know you are a nice person. I don't know if I have great advice. I do think you need to stand up for yourself in that whatever problems your DH is having, you don't want to become the punching bag. My 2nd marriage was so like that. I really couldn't stand the negativity and every day it was the same things. I do think that people really can't change their personality. I've been divorced from 2nd DH for 2 yrs now & occasionally we talk & he's still complaining about the same problems he had before w/ a few new ones added it, but at least he's nice to me now. I do think you should sit down w/ your DH at a calm moment and try to talk and say that you really understand that he's under stress what w/ working all the time and not having enough money but that the 2 of you (meaning him) have to figure out how not to let that ruin your relationship. If there's something that he needs from you, you will try to help, but you can't tolerate being yelled at or whatever he's doing and from now on, you are just going to walk away when he starts in on that.

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