Venting over stepson
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|Fri, 02-28-2014 - 8:21am|
My stepson is 18, now, a senior in highschool. The latest event is that he did not get accepted into the college that dd is going to. My husband, initially told me that he did not get accepted, but he only informed me of this AFTER I told him that my son (who I am estranged with) did not get into this college, AND it took him two days to tell me. Now, that a week has gone by, dh told me that my stepson DID get accepted into the college, but he is choosing to not go to it, because it's not the right fit.
DH has "protected" his son from me since the start of the marriage. He has always played favorites with his son. I acknowledged this fact, as did dd. I even explained to him that it is normal, as I told him that I will never love his son the way that I love my own. DH refuses to admit this, stating and restating that he treats all of the children equally. That is SO not true, but, hey, some people just want to fool themselves. Whenevrer something "goes wrong," dh always gives his son the benefit of the doubt, but he always assumes the worst with my children. It's almost comical.
I believe that dh has A) divorce guilt, and the deeper issue is B) hurt over being adopted. With the divorce guilt, dh wants to be the favored parent. He built ds a band room where he houses equipment for ds's band, including the drum set that dss's mother purchased "but has no room in her house for" (which is a passive aggressive move if I have ever heard of one.) Anyways, it took two years of my asking, and then demanding, that dss ASK me to set up band practices, since I don't want to hear the drums being played when I have work to do AND when I can schedule being out of the house. He used to just start playing his electric guitar (with loud amp) and drums ANY time he wanted, with no regard for me. That is just one example of the disrespect he has for me. Then, I believe that dh is desparate to have attached family and that he has never known unconditional love from his family. He is such a good man, calling his parents every weekend, paying off their mortgage, paying their dental bills, etc., but I truly believe that his parents have guilted him, over the years, into thinking that he owes them. That is not true, unconditional love, and I don't think he has ever known what UL really is or means.
And, so, I am "holding my breath" for dss to go off to college. When my children lived with us, they were expected to do multiple chores every single day. DH does NOT make dss do A chore every day. No, dh does the chore for him, and expects me to do more chores. When my children lived with us, dh enforced this rule with dss, but now that my children are gone, dh does not. There are times when I am walking on eggshells with dss at our home. Aaaaaahhhhh....six more months, and he will be gone to college. There will be fewer eggshells, fewer uncomfortable moments....I hope.