Wanting More Affection In My Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Wanting More Affection In My Marriage
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 11:53am

So, now we hit the seven year mark and due to our many issues and disagreements, our intimacy and affection have hit an all time low. It's not on my part, it is my husband. He has over the years slowly began being less and less affectionate. We have had many talks about this and I even have brought it up in therapy. He got mad and said he is not to blame but the therapist pointed out he is the one who has made the choice to be less affectionate and our bedroom has suffered. I have tried talking it out with him telling him I miss his affection and that I am lonely and getting frustrated. He simply says that he is more like a woman and if emotionally he doesn't feel like we are connected because of our issues then he just can't and isn't willing. I am very sad and also I'm lonely and to be honest angry. We talked about intimacy before we got married and had a mutual agreement about it and what we liked and needed. I feel that for him to have made a decision without me, that is affecting our marriage is not right. I understand we have issues and he does have a point but I guess I am selfish actually thinking there should be romance and intimacy in a marriage. I am not a cheater nor am I a game player but if this is going to continue......one or twice a month at most...then I want out. Talking hasn't seemed to help. He says I'm pressuring him. Last night I was so upset I slept on the couch. Why should I sleep next to someone who isn't willing to give me any attention? I don't want to pull away but that is what I feel like doing. I want to go to therapy but he works all the time- like 15 hours days. Any therapists around at 2am? Very sad and lonely. He IS a very affectionate man....I guess that part of him has died. We have problems and issues that aren't going to go away overnight. I know I am part of the issue. Going through issues with my daughter who is bipolar plus going through a very rough menopause hasn't helped my mood at all lately. I want to fix things but I am at a loss at this point.