"we do it "for the kids"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
"we do it "for the kids"
26
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:19pm

OK, we've been a blended home for all of about 3 months and so far, so good.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 10:00am

aftern re-reading, I thought I should clarify....


When I say "go as a famiy" I mean Hubby, myself, ds, and dsd (and dss too).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 10:16am

Hi Honnee,


I'm wondering is this "Open HOuse" something that both DSD and DS would/could attend on the same night? Or is it two separate events.....DS's event, then another day, DSD/s event?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:22am

I don't know how your school works open house. My kids were never in the same school since they are 6.5 yrs apart but for the younger grades, they would have open house say from 5-6 on a certain night and you would meet the homeroom teacher. For the high school you could actually follow the child's schedule and go meet each teacher.

Ever since I was div, which was 13 yrs ago, my ex & I always went to any school event regarding our kids together, arriving separately but we would meet up. If it was a concert or something like that, we sit together. Sometimes his DW will come to a concert but she has never come to any school open house or parent-teacher conf. As the mom, even though I like & respect her, I would be like "why are you here? You aren't the parent." Frankly I think this is one of those times when parents should stick together for the sake of the child. If it's an informal kind of thing, then I think your DH could spend part of the time w/ you & your child, then part of the time w/ his DD. I really don't think it's fair not to expect him to be w/ his DD at her school events. You aren't "sharing him w/ his ex" when he attends something for his own DD--that's his responsibility as a parent to be there for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 4:51pm
I don't think I explained it very well.
Avatar for johannacc
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 6:18pm

Well I have a different school of thought. I know that there are some blended families that do "mine" and "yours" and get offended if it crosses over( Live Liz- Musiclover) which is fine if it works for them. I know several couples that function way.


I could never be that way, just not me. WE are the couple, there is no pretense that DH and his EX- w are still a couple. I do love the SKs as my own, they all call us mom and dad, I do go to all of their events because they are my kids. I couldn't give a rats patoot if Ex-w didn't like it, I'm their "other mom" I love and would do anything for them. So of course I would go to their open house and I would tell my DH that silly, why would he need to go twice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 9:58pm
OK I guess I still don't really get how that would work. I assume that DSD would go to the school w/ her mom & do what? Meet her teacher or just look around the school? Then later she could meet up w/ you & dad and do the same thing? Do you think she would like that or feel that "geez, I've already done this, why do I have to do it twice?" Although I think it would be good to introduce both parents (and stepmom) to the teachers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 8:39am

Yeah, I am a little confused as well. Has DSD voiced an opinion at all? I never had two children in the same school, so DH and ex and I all went to the "Parent's Night" separately, but together, where we went to each of the classrooms and met the teachers. I don't know as there was an Open House. So, the Open House is for incoming students to learn about the difference of Middle School?

I would assume if that is the case, and it's just a matter of Orientation, not meeting teachers and going to classrooms, I would expect DH to be with me. If it is going to classrooms, I would assume that he would want to go to the classes that his DS would be attending. It's not a matter of being 'with' his ex. It's a matter of supporting his child.

When you have two children, and it's a matter of going to different classes, you split up even if they are both by birth. It's a couple of hours, one day in a whole lifetime. I guess I would ask DH to ask his daughter what she would like, since it was stated she has had a hard time. After getting her opinion, there could be an opportunity for dad to teach compromise, or whatever.

Pam

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 6:18pm
Open House is just that "open".
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 6:26pm
Yes, I don't really have a problem w/ showing mom & dad/SM everything separately. Just one of the many additional things that blended families have to work out. Maybe she can be w/ mom while you are w/ your DS and then join up later.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:43pm

OK, here is the deal.

Serenity

Pages