We told the kids and the ex...wow...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
We told the kids and the ex...wow...
15
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 12:01pm
So...I'm engaged to a great guy, we have our issues and we have been having some serious discussions lately, but overall I think we do pretty well together. He has two wonderful kids that I really enjoy being around. Well, he told the kids that we were getting married and they were very excited -- which made me happy! Then we talked and he mentioned that he wasn't sure if he would tell his ex because it's "none of her business". Well, I reminded him that he asks his ex to tell him things that will involve their children, and this involves their children because I will be a part of their lives -- so he agreed to tell her. When he dropped off the kids he mentioned it to her...and their daughter was very excited and talking about how she will be in the wedding and she is very excited, their mom seemed very annoyed. Then he told her that he asked me to marry him and that we really wanted the kids to be in the wedding - she said she didn't think that would happen, "we have too much going on!" (btw, they live in another town and he RARELY gets to see his kids.) Then he mentioned "I'm telling you because it has to do with the kids" and she replied "NO, it does not." He was just trying to do the right thng. And he replied " I just want the best for our kids, WE (talking about he and I) want the kids to feel welcome, always." and she replied "I DON'T CARE!" I wasn't there for all of this, but to me it seems like she's kind of harboring feelings for him, she was very catty during all of this, but I don't know...we were just trying to do the right thing...

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 1:31pm

There are different perspectives on this topic, and as you can see by his xW's response, why that is so.


Even under the best of circumstances it is sort of an odd feeling when you find out your x is getting remarried.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 2:01pm

Serenity,


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 2:26pm

she said she didn't think that would happen, "we have too much going on!" (btw, they live in another town and he RARELY gets to see his kids.)


It sounds like he doesnt have any set schedule for seeing his kids?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 2:32pm

Oh, I see.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 3:29pm

ps:


Then he mentioned "I'm telling you because it has to do with the kids" and she replied "NO, it does not." He was just trying to do the right thng.


Of COURSE it has to do with the kids....geesh..........


I also think, if there is "ettiquette" anyplace on this....it WOULD be appropriate for the exH to be the one to tell exW rather than hearing it elsewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 1:39pm

My ex didn't tell me about their wedding and I didn't care.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 12:42pm

Hijack....


Isy!

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:06pm

Well gosh, I feel bad I haven't been on here in a few days! Sorry everyone! I wasn't feeling too well...


I agree, if we didn't tell her, she'd be pissed, we did tell her, she's pissed...there was no way of winning this one. Either way, I was married before, and so was he...which honestly, is kinda hard for me...I don't have kids, he does, I'm just trying to find "my place" in all of this...we are learning all of this together, and we've had our rough spots, let me tell you...really bad ones...but I know he is a wonderful man and I consider myself very lucky to have him. He even made me chicken noodle soup yesterday when I was sick :) (the little things...:) )


The wedding is this fall, and we haven't told her the dates yet...unfortunately there isn't a schedule for visitation which drives us both crazy, but they are going back to court for that...I think it will work out (I pray it does!) We live far away and they have to fly - so it used to be they would each fly the kids out one way (she would fly them here, and then he would fly them back) well she had ear problems last time and cried her eyes out (I felt for her, I really did...I know that hurts) and now claims she is "not allowed to fly" but she was able to go on a business trip in November and leave the kids with her boyfriend! what the heck??!?!? She said she had to get all kinds of papers from the doctor...which I am sorry, that's such a lie, there is no way...you can fly without doctor's orders (unless it is a SERIOUS condition...) so...yea...annoying. She refuses to do it. She calls him a horrible father and all kinds of things, but I have seen him with his kids...he's a great dad! Any suggestions on how to deal with an exW like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:16pm
How old are the kids? They could arrange to have someone from the airline be their escort (for a fee of course) and make sure they get on & off the plane--if they could get a direct flight from one place to the other and they aren't too young, then they wouldn't need parents going w/ them. One of my friends is on the East Coast & his ex is in Calif and they send their kids back & forth w/o them a few times a year.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:38pm

As far as 'how do you deal with an x like this', stick around and maybe look back at older posts.

Serenity

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