We have done the premarital counseling...but sometimes I don't know that he listened. Sometimes (to me) it felt as if he would say one thing in the counseling session and do another at home, but we are working on it and we communicate much better, but that was the closest we had come to calling off the wedding....
I'm not sure when your wedding is, but IMHO, there's a lot of red flags waving at me when I read your post. I would think his spoiling the children is due to his guilt over not being there for them and so he's a Disney dad. That alone can be hard to deal with. I can understand his reaction because yes, it's extremely hard to hear criticism about being a parent (so I'm told, I'm not a parent, so I don't truly know).
But the thing that bothers me the most is how he reacted. Yes, it is just a reaction, but in that moment, he basically called off the wedding, told you you two aren't good for one another, and obviously has very high expectations. The reason that bothers me the most is that is how my 2xh used to be. If we didn't agree on everything, we weren't made for each other. That type of extreme thinking (in the moment or not) is what will destroy the r'ship you have with this man.
I truly suggest you postpone the wedding. Work on the issues at hand. His over reacting, his extreme thinking, his putting you down about "not having kids", and his idea of being a dad. Are you two planning on having kids? Will he feel guilty about his other kids? how will he react to them? And lastly, it sounds like you aren't comfortable with his life style. You seemed to put down his car and house, while saying you make more. Is there resentment in there? I also dislike how he seems to think your life isn't as important, since you don't have kids. I don't expect anyone to remember things, but his reaction to the anniversary of your miscarriages were downright cold. That may not be him typically, but can you live with this man you're seeing every so often? And what happens if it becomes more often than not? It seems like you two aren't able to communicate as adults. Yes, he apologized, but I'm thinking this is how your arguments typically go. If it is, can you handle that for the rest of your life? Getting put down, then him apologizing for it? I know I couldn't. Sorry loses it's meaning after awhile.
You don't have to reply, it's more for you to just think about.