We're Engaged and his X is acting out
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|Mon, 04-14-2003 - 3:33pm|
I myself am divorced after a 6 year marriage, 11 years together total. My fiance is still battling to end his divorce after 2 years of physical seperation (5 years of sleeping at his office) and continued court battle (ending a 20 year marriage). He has a grown adult child (how best to say that?). And I have no children.
I am on speaking terms with my ex. I don't see him, but we could speak if we needed or wanted to. My divorce was emotionally draining, but not hurtful or nasty. His divorce has been terrible. He tried to work things out and she stated that he had psychological problems (depression) and needed to fix himself....she was fine with the way the relationship was (there's a lot more to that story). He decided to leave. She packed him up and never called him. He filed for the divorce. It's been a stupid battle ever since. She still has never called him, just fights him with her lawyer and other things (that is the crux of my question down below).
I've met his family and he has met my family. We all get along wonderfully and everyone likes everyone else. To this day, his son remains loyal to his mother and I have not been able to meet him. My SO takes time on the weekends to see his son and I encourage this interraction (I think it's healthy). My motto is that when his son is ready, he can come to our house. We offered him a room and countless times to discuss the situation, but he declines and so we wait.
Any advice or anyone else been through the following? Personally, as a divorcee myself, I don't understand this kind of behavior. First, she told his entire family and all of her collegues that he was depressed and going to kill himself. He got all these goofy calls from his family and even an e-mail from a co-collegue asking if he was okay. (He is not depressed and never has been clinically depressed; he was tested for depression and it came out with nothing wrong with him). She convinced their son also that his Dad was depressed and going to hurt himself. It was just horrible. His ex has started rumors about us after finding out about us. My SO told her that he was dating because he didn't want her to find out on her own; he wanted her to know from him (this is one of the three phone conversations they have had in over 2 years...all of which, he has called her). Rumors gallore started when she found out who he was dating.....that I was pregnant, that he was suicidal....etc... Recently, she started one stating that I repeatedly called her at her house (his sister told us that). This to me, has crossed the line (in my personal history, my Grandmother got a divorce and my mother is a child of divorce.....since I was little I heard about divorce, what went wrong, what was good, what people should have done, what they shouldn't have done....etc...). I don't know this woman, have nothing to say to her, never called her (even don't answer the phone if I think it's his son because I don't want to upset his son and that relationship) AND (just to make a point) I even encouraged my SO to try to go to couples counseling with her when he asked me to date him (year plus ago) in the first place (NOW I see why he was not able to). I'm wondering if this will ever stop. His sister said that the ex told her that she "was not letting anyone come between her son and her." Whose coming between them? This doesn't make ANY kind of sense to me. To this day.....she does NOT want him back and only wants to make him suffer. WHY? ((((I know I'll never know)))).
I've decided to tell his sister that I don't want to hear anymore of the rumors if and when she starts in on them. I talked with my SO about this. He said to stick close to him and he'll also tell his sister that he doesn't want to hear anymore. We are hopeful that the court will make a judgement and this whole nightmare will be completed by June. My SO believed that the divorce would be over last May. A court date was scheduled for November of last year. It's like the energizer bunny.....it keeps going and going.
Here's my thing.....when my X told me that he was dating someone and moving in with them, I felt relieved. YEAH! He's found someone. I can't be the bad guy anymore. His life is going on and I'm FREE! There was a little green eyed monster hidden in there deep, but more of my feelings were of relief. Does anyone else have X issues? Why are some X's hateful, even though they don't want their X?
Thanks for any responses!