What are your thoughts on "texting"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2010
What are your thoughts on "texting"?
31
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 9:51am

Hi,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 12:02pm

So if she called on the phone, would you be standing there listening to him talk to her to make sure he isn't saying anything inappropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 12:45pm

I know the text messages are about the kids getting together.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 1:04pm

First of all, when ever we get involved with someone who is not D yet, it causes more insecurities over all.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 1:21pm

Hi, just to clarify a couple of things.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 2:15pm

Oh my, OK, that all makes much more sense.

His stbx, no reason for them to talk, except to finalize D.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 2:54pm

I guess I'm not explaining myself too well. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 5:01pm

I know this is going to come off harsh, so I want to apologize now and I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful. Just trying to be honest about what I feel I'm seeing.

First, since you're the GF, and not a Stepmom, I don't think you should be setting up playdates with his son.
Secondly,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 11:01am
Cheryl, I don't think it sounded harsh either and my knee jerk reaction was that there is so much more here than the simple issue of the text messages. The non-trust is understandable since the OP was cheated on in her first marriage. Taking that one and resolving the resjponsibilities in the first marriage is HUGE, before embarking on a second. Then there is the whole thing about him understanding his own choices. Red Flags everywhere for me. OP: you said the good outweighs the bad, so what is the good? I haven't seen you say what the good is at all. Bringing a third woman into his child's life without a complete understanding of his relational flaws, is irresponsible. You can say he is a responsible dad, but the big picture screams something different. Now, this maybe be harsher than Cheryl's, but again, it's an honest assessment of what I am reading here. Pam

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2010
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 1:46pm

Hi...I don't think you were being harsh...just honest...and I thank you for that.

When he (we) have the kids, it's up to him to decide where and when they go anywhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 2:42pm
I really would suggest counseling. It sounds like your BF feels all this is your issue and not his at all. However, if that truly is how he is, non-affectionate nor the type to give out compliments, you have to ask yourself, is he what you want in a partner? I feel a partner is someone who you should feel comfortable with and secure with. He's not able to give you either.

This man may be good, but it's time to see if he's good for a long-term r'ship or not. If he doesn't want to compromise (which by his actions, so far, it seems he's not), then you need to truly ask yourself if you can stay in a r'ship like this. I know, for myself, I couldn't. I had to learn how to trust and to be vulnerable again, but it was with a lot of help from my DH and his actions to help me get over my issues. If he hadn't done that for me, I doubt we would have gotten married/involved long-term.

Again, I highly suggest you two do some couples counseling and some individual counseling for yourself too. If you can't afford that, there may be support groups or books (depending on what you feel works for you).

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