What is going on here? Your take please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What is going on here? Your take please!
7
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:39pm

I got this in my latest "Dear Prudence" newsletter. How do you feel about this situation? Is it an affair sort of in the reverse? Or, just a screwed up mess? Something else entirely?


Dear Prudie,
I have been with my live-in boyfriend for about a year now. Before we got together, he was in a relationship for four years. He has remained friends with his ex, even though she is still in love with him. He pretty much bends over backward for her, talks to her almost everyday behind my back, sneaks to go visit her and her family sometimes. And to top that off, he still has her pictures in our house that he refuses to throw away. When I confront him about all of this, he gets PO'd and says that he only does what he does because he feels guilty about breaking off their relationship and tells me that I am overreacting. My question is: What do you think of all this?


—Frustrated


Dear Frus,
This chap is not so much guilty, my dear, as ambivalent. To remain "friends" is one thing; to bend over backward, converse every day on the sly, have photographs become an issue, and annoy you in the bargain is a whole other story. Tell Mr. Vacillating you don't think he's quite over what's-her-name, and you've decided she needs him more than you do. What's going on now is no way to live. Over and out.


—Prudie, decisively

~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 2:03pm

Nowdays they call it emotional cheating. He's lying to his gf about his actions. To me, that is flat out cheating. He's leading on the X, and he's obviously not putting his current gf as priority in his life.


For me, he'd be SOOOOOOO gone. And yes, it's all screwy. The girl who wrote in should tell her bf it's over. And that the X can have him back.


guilty or not, you do not continue a relationship, and keep it from your gf, with an X to that extent. Besides, if he's lying to her about what he does, who knows if he's not lying to her about having a physical affiar, right?


Wow. So glad I'm not in that situation. IN all honesty, that's one reason why I could never date men who are friends with an X. Too much drama.

~Cher




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 4:30pm

I agree!

Maggie  

"Success is a journey, not a destination"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 6:50pm

Good to see you again, {{{Cher}}}. I've missed your input around here!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 6:58pm
My two cents on this is the same as Cher's & Chris's. This guy needs to hightail it back to his ex or get on with his life with his gf. She in no way needs to be wondering and questioning his behavior when it comes to his ex, let him go be with her !

Tami

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 7:01pm

Hey, there, beachgirl! Welcome to the board. It's good to see you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 9:05am
Hi Chris!

Maggie  

"Success is a journey, not a destination"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:03am

I wonder how the

PAMELA