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|Fri, 11-23-2012 - 5:40am|
I am having a particularly difficult time at the moment and really need some opions. Here are some of the things that have happenned in my marriage.
The day before our wedding ... The men's suits were all wrong when dh picked them up the day before (thursday), so they had to be taken back (about 25 min drive away) ... We planned to go together after my massage etc at the beauty salon. Unfortunately I underestimated how long I would be in there and it took around 45 mins longer than expected. By the time I got out dh had phoned my B'maid (who was with me) and said he'd gone to take the suits back so I called him. He wasn't happy that I hadn't phoned him to say I would be late and his day was running behind now. I explained I didn't realise I had run over and was in the middle of having a massage. I offered to follow him to the shop so if he had to leave I could take over - he refused. Every time I spoke to him throughout the day he was tetchy with me. Eventually half way through the day I said I was sorry and could we put it behind us, I wanted to relieve the stress so he could enjoy his massage on the afternoon. The tetchyness continued. We both had a hectic day and it was late evening by the time we'd had tea. He didn't want to take the car to the reception venue until the next morning (we were getting married at 1 and he had arranged to meet the men for a breakfast). I didn't want him to have the same stress on the wedding day and said we should take the car and it was done. So we did ... we'd had a horrendous day and on the way home 9.50 ish he called his best man to say we'd be home in 10 mins .... he was still tetchy with me and all I wanted to do was re-connect before I left for the night .... Just after we walked in the door while I am trying to re-connect with some kisses and cuddles his best man walks in the gate and he basically turns away from and says here he is.... so I just said shall I go then and he said well yes.... I end up in tears at the side of the road as I can't turn up at my parents in this state the night before our wedding .... I call him and ask 'so what am i supposed to do now' and he says we'll just put it down to stress and he'll see me tomorrow ....
A few after we got married I had finished work early with a dicky tum and was sitting in front of the tv looking at the home video's I had to see which we were going to keep and which we weren't. Dh arrived home from work, he stood in the doorway and said 'you could have brought the bin in', I replied 'my hands were full' he said 'what for the last hour' and I replied 'i'm sorry i didn't think' he said 'well it would have saved me having to get out of the car, move the bin, and then put the car in front of the gate' ... then stomped off upstairs ... I was left flabbergasted and feeling rather chastised and put down. It had never even entered my head to go back outside and move the bin.
The following summer we were going on our proper honeymoon/holiday to Egypt ... we arrived back early hours of the morning the day before school started (my ds was going with us). I did not want to come home to lots of housework, ironing, and washing on top of holiday clothes. I also did not want to be packing at the last minute. We were flying on the Saturday dh was off on the Friday. On the Wednesday we had had tea and I asked dh if he wanted to iron or wash up, he said i'm not doing either and went outside to the garage and spent 45 minutes fixing the wire on the telphone .... I was a little upset and felt unsupported. The next day we emailed each other and I explained I was feeling a little stressed as I didn't want everything left to the last minute and need his support ... he said he was off on the Friday and I said but you wanted to do the garden and get the holiday money so the packing needs finishing tonight ... he agreed he would help. That evening while I packed he laid on the bed and watched me. When I asked him to get his shirts out he said i'll do it tomorrow it's too late now 9.30 .... After doing what packing I could I sat downstairs and sewed my ds trousers as he would need them for school when we returned. Dh sat and watched tv... then said are we going to bed 'i said i have to finish these' ... I was gutted inside, he'd promised his support and didn't come through .... I got upset and he said I was being a martyr, wasn't happy unless everything was done my way and it was my fault I had alot to do because the trousers had wanted sewing for weeks ......
Over the last 3.5 years we have argued, fought and I have walked out numerous times, now I don't walk out any more because the next time I leave it will be for good ... it's not fair on my parents to keep turning up in a state and it isn't fair on my son to be left behind ....
The problem is that my hubby can be quite uncaring in the way he says things ... during the first year of our marraige he would constantly make jokes at my expense ... eventually I started to get upset and he said I had lost my sense of humour ... I explained that when the jokes outweighed the nice things it starts to get you down.... and fair enough he did stop.
In the rows we have had he has said 'you can get out this is my home not yours', 'your just a spoilt bitch', 'your happy when it's my money your spending', 'why should I have to spend my money taking you out when you have your own'.
Our relationship has gone from a courtship where we took each other away for romantic weekings, me coming home to teddy's on my bed and notes around the house leading to chocolate in the fridge, not being able to be in the same room without holding hands, cuddling, kissing or if we couldn't I would look up to find his lovely blue eyes looking back. We would go out for a meal or drink regularly, we would go shopping and he would encourage me to try things on, he would follow me round the shop holding the garments for me .... it was lovely. Now we rarely go out and when we do it is a given that we will 'go halves' .... if we go shopping he regularly waits outside the shop if he comes along at all. We sit at opposite ends of the couch in front of the telly most nights (we didn't watch tv at all for the first 3 and half years together).
He dosn't acknowledge any of this and says relationships progress and you can't expect it to be like courtship forever ....
Anyway if I could be here all day but any opinions would be appreciated.