I was married to my first husband for 20 years and had 2 children.
Hi and welcome to the board.
The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.
As someone with "young adult" children myself, dealing with "empty nest" now, etc, these are some of my thoughts and perspective on your post:
Gosh Lindie, like everyone else said, I would definately suggest some kind of counseling.
I believe in making financial agreements explicit in marriages, like separate checking accounts and what to pay jointly.
With that said, it is up to your husband to “take care” of his children. It's HIS business. You may not like it but it is between him and them in my opinion. If you have separate finances then he does not have the power to disallow you to pay for what you want for you son as well.
So his children are living with you and him even though they are adults? Did you want that?
So have you had this discussion with him? Without blame? Have both of you learned to talk about the hard things and how? Like using the “I” word?
Right now you are feeling that there is a lack of love and his motivation of marrying you is for money rather than love.
I touched on this in another post, and that is as long as you continue to "do everything" around the house, that is what everyone comes to expect.