What would you do??
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|Wed, 12-18-2013 - 12:17pm|
My husband and I have been married a little over two years (my second marriage his first). Together for three. We had a great relationship at the beginning, like most. We didn't see each other a lot at first. (Once a week) It was ok though than we started seeing one another a few times a week and it worked ok for us, it was about the quality of our time really. He has continually gotten more busy after the marraige and changed and thats the problem. He basically works two full time jobs by choice (He is a true workaholic, he doesn't want to admit it though-he works 108 hours a week out of 168). One job is family owned which is supposed to be part time he looks at it that way but he puts in 50+ hours weekly. His main job is full time and he puts in 55+ hours there. Also I just have to mention he is super controlled by his family I didn't realize how bad it was until after the wedding, I wish I would have!
So I knew he was busy from the start, he was open and upfront about that. But as we got closer and got into a relationship, he also let me know clearly that I was so very important to him (the most important actually). And he made time for us and our relationship. If there was an event he was there, a family get together he was there even if a bit late. He wanted to be with me and have a life with me. We spoke of this many times. Well fast forward after the wedding and he starts changing. He is later and later at work. Than after work he heads to the family job well he is later and later there. And it has just gotten worse. He always wanted me to talk to him if his time became an issue. Now that it has become a issue and I have talked to him a few different times he doesn't want to hear it. I have wrote it out, cried and told him I was lonesome for him all the time and needed him. He just shrugged his shoulders and says yeah I know my days with you are numbered so he doesn't even care if he looses me now.
He no longer comforts me like he used to, he doesn't care if I cry, he doesn't care if things are wrong with us he just leaves and I don't hear from him. He never treated me this way before I married him. He couldn't stand if I was upset. He would call and call. He had to fix it
He makes time for anything and everyone else but he has no time for me. We maybe see one another a hour a day if that and he is practically asleep by the time he gets home to me. We have no life togetther. He works all weekend to. Every holiday. So the relationship is time starved and I know you will say well it was from the start but it was different than. The time we had together was so important to both of us, our time together was so important to him, he made time for me, I was his priority. Now if it means he's visiting or just working longer and it will take time away from us oh well. He shouldn't be avoiding home, I don't nag him to do anything here. I don't ask him to do anything for me. I quit talking to him about my needs. I just go to work, keep the house clean, cook his suppers and pack his lunches and feel like his roommate versus his wife.
He has no time for me and our home. He makes me feel like he has no room in his life for me anymore and like after he married me I became a bother to him versus the woman he loved. And to put the icing on the cake it was like he was my best friend before we started dating and when we were dating well I told him now I feel like I can't talk to him and he isn't there for me. A prime example of not being there for me. Is I lost my mom this past summer and I watched her die for months with no support or comfort from him and he was off a whole month with the family business and a new operation they were putting in. The morning my mom passed away I texted him to let him know and he stayed at work anyway that whole day so I was alone do you know what he told me (He thought he was doing the right thing= working). Since we got married I always come last.
He's to busy for me and our marriage. We don't have time to do anything ever he won't make or take the time either. He won't take time off to spend with me. We never took a honeymoon like he promised. This year we didn't even have time to get a tree, it's how little he's been home, but than he also turns aroung and acts like it's my fault. I told him only he can change his life. Because he could totally change the family situation and stop being everyone slave but he chooses to do so day in and day out and it will cost him his marriage and he seems fine with that fact.
He has even said I make time all the time just not for you, now again these are things he would have never ever said while courting me.
It just hurts me so bad because we spoke about what we wanted out of this marriage. And I was terrified being it was my second go round and he knew how badly I was hurt the first time I wanted it to be right this time. But all he said than and the way he was to me is gone. And it hurts me because that was my biggest fear in marrying him was that he would change on me. He begged me to give him a chance, let him prove it to me, he wasn't like my ex, he promised. And now this.
I'm sorry this got so long, I'm just devasted I have no one to talk to. My family doesn't care.
Any advice please. Thanks!