What would you do? Step sons college recruiter visit

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
What would you do? Step sons college recruiter visit
6
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 4:45pm

I have a quick "what would you do" question! My step son (i have been his step mom for 5 yrs and have an ok re'ship but not as close as w/ other 2 step sons)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
I think I would leave it up to the parents...did your DH make you feel that you should be going?
I know in my case I always leave that kind of stuff up to my SO (it just seems like something that is "bigger than you")...KWIM? I guess unless somehow you would want to be involved b/c it affects your finances or something like that (I also think if this isn't the DSS you are closest to, then why would you be involved in this kind of decision?)
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
My quick answer would if you have not really been involved in decision making with this particular SS, I would say that you participating in this meeting would not be necessary and possibly not appropriate. Unless, like you mentioned, the SS invited you. Even then, I think you would simply another set of ears and you and your DH could talk about it afterwards.

I have gone to a couple things with SO, but only if BM was unavailable or if it was an entirely different meeting. Never the 3 of us.

Not saying it would be "wrong," it just seems under the circumstances you described it may not make sense.

Lastly though, if your DH really, and I mean really wanted you there, I would again suggest mostly listening and depending on the comfort level, possibly ask a few questions.

My xH has showed up a school conferences with his now W for our DD and honestly, I don't really like it, but in all fairness she really does care and tries to find what she can do to help when my DD is with them. (which is 50% of the time, so she does help with homework). I would rather my xH just pass the information on to her, but he is not very good at. :)

So, welcome to board and I hope you stick around. It looks like you have a healthy second marriage and we would love to get your feedback and input.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 01-25-2012 - 10:04am
Hi Ka,
From what you've written, I'd say from the step mom situation, ....dont go.

However, if you somehow have expertise in SS's field of study/college programs/etc, that you might be able to ask important questions that bio mom and dad wouldnt think of, ..then perhaps that's a reason to.

I notice you said your DH asked if you were going, not saying he wanted you to or anything..........I'm wondering if his ex said, "is Ka coming with you?" and that's why he's asking?

For me, I would NEVER be invited into exW's house, so for me, the answer is easy, LOL. (for that matter, my SO wouldnt be asked into exW's house, either---except to be handed the bill for tuition......but that's another story.... :))

BEST WISHES! Is this because the college is recruiting him and offering scholarship or something?

Let us know what happens :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010

I have a good relationship with BM and she has always included me as a parent in her kids lives so I would have definitely wanted to go to support my SD. I've shown up for everything else but again, my DHs ex always included me. I always conceded the opinions and decisions to my DH and his ex, though. They get the call. I support and offer opinions only when asked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Hi Serenity, thanks I did just that! Sort of of just listened and made just a few comments. Still trying to figure out some of the step mom stuff even after 5 yreads but have a pretty unique situation with DH's ex in that we all get along really well. I actually like her! And I'll be happy to provide input here where i can : )
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 12:02pm
Glad it went well! I don't spend much time with BM, especially now that SS isn't playing sports, but even just yesterday she came in the house to sign something for SO and it is all fine. Parenting is an entirely different thing though.

Again, hope you stick around.
Serenity