When do u discuss finances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2011
When do u discuss finances?
10
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 12:00pm

My fiancee and I are getting married

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 3:58pm

No, no--you aren't being too nosy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 8:31pm

Musiclover is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 11:45pm

I also agree with Musiclover that the time to discuss finances is prior to getting engaged. My wife and I were upfront with each other quite early.

It is par for the course for a divorced

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 1:02pm

You are not being too nosey.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 1:13pm
All great answers. And something else to think about. How much do you want to combine your finances? I knew DH had bad credit, I had a new BK. I didn't want to deal with his credit and vice versa, so we agreed to a joint banking for bills and two separate accounts for ourselves. We also agreed to keeping all credit cards separate, so nothing is joint and no authorized user on anything.

I asked to SHARE our credit reports and bank statements. I wanted to know WHERE his money went and I shared mine too. Yes, it's embarrassing. Come on, I filed BK, that's a big embarrassment. But being married, is about getting over the embarrassment or being uncomfy and TALKING it out.

I would suggest not combining finances until he gets his under control. And yes, his credit WILL affect your ability to purchase large ticket items (house, car, etc). You need to know NOW, if he's going to dig a hole for the two of you, or if it was debt due to circumstance.

I would also suggest really looking at the way he handles money, how he reacts to you wanting to know every detail of his finances, etc. Some people are just private about money, some open. But when you get married, I believe both parties should know all the details, even if you don't ever plan on combining finances.

Good luck.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 1:19pm
p.s. Even if me and SO do get M, we will probably keep the finances separate. We may add each other to the accounts for easier access in case of an emergency, but only as a signer at the bank.

This is NOT about knowing where the other person spends every penny, as that would not fly well with most people.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 2:32pm

I also agree with others that fiances should be discussed at the very least during engagement.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 2:50pm
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 11:44am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 1:55pm

I agree with all the posters who say that (a) he needs to come clean about his finances and (b) you should not have joint finances after you marry except perhaps for a joint account for household expenses. Keep your credit separate. And don't make the mistake, once you are married, of paying for things for him.

You are entitled to know how much money your husband makes. (And he is entitled to know how much you make.) A certain percentage of each person's income should be set aside for "shared" obligations (house, food, etc.) and