Why Marry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Why Marry?
15
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 9:37am

So my BF and I are now living together.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 10:00am

People have their own opinions on this topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 10:21am
----So why marry a second time? There is the romantic aspect of making a public statement "I commit to this man." There are legal (insurance coverage, for example) benefits. But there are negatives, too. I don't want to ever go through another divorce and on some level maintaining our separate lives maintains a healthier respect for the other. I think. But I don't know. What do you think? Is a second (or, for him, a third) marriage worthwhile?
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Interesting how this thread (for me, anyhow) dovetails right into Bella's thread re: "wow...just wow"...

For me (living together/engaged for about 7 years now....) the "public statement "I commit to this man" is about the main *benefit* I can see----

We've done the power of attorney thing/etc.....and......

I completely agree with you re: on some level maintaining our separate lives maintains a healthier respect for the other. ----

I'm not sure if if's even so much a 'healthy respect"----but, to me, it makes it "easier" to deal with the financial issues of SK's----

of course I came from a marriage where all finances were "joint"---so, i suppose you can keep marriage finances completely separate, also?

But, the way we live----HIS money pays his kids stuff (that I think he over-contributes to)

will be interesting to see the other thoughts here...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 6:22pm

Don't you think that even if you kept separate bank accounts that if you were married, somehow you would feel more resentment towards his "overpaying" for his kids because you would look at it like "we're married so it should be OUR money?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 7:43pm

I am not engaged at the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 9:27pm
-----Don't you think that even if you kept separate bank accounts that if you were married, somehow you would feel more resentment towards his "overpaying" for his kids because you would look at it like "we're married so it should be OUR money?"-----


Yes.....More likely than not.....
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 4:15pm

This friend is a enemy.

dragowoman

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 5:32pm

Depends what day you ask me what answer you'll get from me.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 8:18am

My BF and his ex have a pretty decent set up and rather friendly cooperation when it comes to dealing with time, energy and money spent on their kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 8:23am
I am equally ambivalent! Now that we're combining family & resources, there's a part of me that wants the benefits of the institution of marriage and the promise of the deeper commitment.

But there's another part of me that just wonders why? Why not leave the door easier to open?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 8:16pm

It's really your own perspective and choice. it's great to hear that your BF is open to it. That kinda says a lot from a guy's perspective.

It sounds like you went through a lot regarding your divorce. That can be enough to intimidate you the 2nd time around. Well, if you're both happy with it, then by all means, it is your choice. Yes, it does make a public statement to the rest of the world about your commitment to each other.

I was married before, and my wife passed away 9 years ago and left 3 young children. It took me 7 years to decide that I wanted to get married again, and I am now engaged. During that time, I had the same concerns and thoughts you did.

"What happens when a Widowed Dad raises 3 young children and runs a business at the same time?" visit http://bit.ly/WinYourFreedom

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