child support question

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
child support question
11
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 12:34pm

So ex stopped paying child support (CS) to me, after DD & I moved to DH's house (2 years ago).

I have a court ordered CS document in divorce papers.  EX payed me CS for 7 years, he was making good money, as a cop. (I think) he got  a DUI and lost his job, then he declared bankruptcy and moved from CA to KS and completely stopped paying me CS. So, I went thru Attorney General's Office to get my order enforced and garnish his paychecks, once he got a job.  But ex told me, he's not paying what he used to pay me, because he's not making as much money.....I told him back, he will pay me what we agreed on. (if he was bright enough, all he has to do is file to get CS modified to what he is earning now).

So, CS has been taken out of his paycheck, every 2 weeks, for last year (they are taking a little extra out, to make up arrears)....but lately it seems that his employer is now playing around and not taking it out every 2 weeks now, I got a check, then had to wait 3 weeks for another check and now I haven't been paid, and it's going on 3 weeks now.  I know he still works, at same place. Any advice for me, on what to do now?

I called CS division and they said, I can't start an inquiry until a month has gone by, with no support.  So, what, is his employer going to send me a check every 3 weeks now?

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Pages

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 8:13pm

oh & I just wanted to add that I have been so respectful to ex, since divorce...

I encourage him to see DD as much as he wants

once we agreed on CS amount, I never modified the "little" I get, for more (when he was making twice as much after we divorced).

I pretty much settled and I've been so nice to him and moved on with my life......then he turns around and completely treats me like garbage?!  :smileymad:

For example, once he lost his job, he was getting unemployment benefits and he could've given me a little money....but, nope, I had to fend for myself and still take care of our DD without the money.

And now, with me getting any money? He's doing his best to make sure I don't get what court papers state. He already owes me $7500 in arrears and if he continues paying a little or none, he's going to end up owing me a ton more.....the good thing is the CS is tied to his social security #.....so, hopefully, I will get the 'whatever' money.

I don't know why he hates me so badly, when I've done NOTHING to him?.HE is the one, who cheated on me & left me for his now wife. So, now he wants to punish me & his DD with CS?

And should I start being honest with DD that her dad doesn't want to step up and pay to help out?

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:06pm
Hi CBGrl--

I dont have any real answers for you, but in my state, if CS is going through the state, the state sends you the check, not the employer----does the employer send it directly to you? (or do you mean he's sending it to state late, so state sends it to you late?)

If your state is like mine, he can ask for CS amount to be recalculated, but it will only go retroactive to date he filed to have this done..........so you could be nice and remind him he's allowed to do that , but he needs to be paying the past due regardless.

As I recall you did a bunch of driving so dd could spend time with him, too,....so I have no idea what's up with him. Probably his own financial troubles, and he's got you/her lowest on his totem pole.

Is she still seeing/talking with him regularly? I would remind him that you're encouraging her to have relationshp with him........(not all exW's do that,....but dont know that you telling him that will make any difference in what he does).

I dont think you should use DD as a pawn with him, but if lack of CS is definitely impacting what you can pay for for DD's expenses, I dont see what's wrong with being honest that you're waiting for CS check from dad til you have the cash for ______. I mean---if you had to wait til friday to get YOUR paycheck in order to have cash for _______, you'd be telling her that as well..................

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:39pm

sorry....yes sending to my state, then my state sends it to me.....but employer isn't sending it every 2 weeks, like he is supposed to...

Yes, I do tell DD that money is tight, because I'm not getting much help with CS, so if she asks for something...I hate to say that, but I don't want her to think her dad is perfect, anymore.  And she is figuring it out, on her own, as she grows older, just by her dad not calling her, that much or when she spends time at his house, he doesn't make much time for her.  So, I guess, I can keep my mouth shut about what her 'real dad' is like....

I guess his dd's needs are way down low, on the totem pole, like you say......I think I should just stop fighting, 'trying' to get CS & just continue to have enough love for DD, from both of us.*sigh* :smileyfrustrated:

it's so sad....I feel for DD! I had a dad the same way& paid no CS.....only my dad bugged me for money, once I was old enough to start working.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 7:33am
RE:
sorry....yes sending to my state, then my state sends it to me.....but employer isn't sending it every 2 weeks, like he is supposed to...

1. Quite possibly the employer has a cash flow problem, and so he choses to delay that payment (this does NOT excuse the behavior at all---I'm just guessing that's a possibly reason why)
2. Your exH may have absolutely no idea his employer is doing that.

You could tell your exH the situation, and ask if he's aware of that? ---I mean, that's HIS paycheck that's essentially being held back, y'know?

You could send nastygram letter to his employer, cc'ed to FOC and your exH, stating the situation on X, Y, and Z dates it was late, arriving on ___, ___, ___ dates instead of ___, ____, ____ dates. I'm guessing (music lover can probably clarify) that IF you were to ever take legal action, you'd need a paper trail of stuff like this to document that it's been late and that employer/exH is aware of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:37am
I agree with Lauren. It sounds like something is going on with the employer. If there's an order to garnish his check, then the employer would be taking that amount when they issue your ex his check. If he's not getting paid every two weeks, then there probably isn't much you can do about it as long as they withhold the amount from each check they issue to him and send it to CA. I would definitely open the investigation after the month is up, though. At least you'll know for sure what's going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:42am

IF the employer is actually not taking it out of his check every 2 wks, then I believe that the employer can get in trouble & actually face criminal charges.  Unless it's a very small company and he is like friends with the boss or something, I doubt it's the employer purposely doing this to help him out.  Is there a possibility that he's not working as many hours or something like that?  Plus the arrearage isn't going to go away--in my state, interest accrues on late payments, plus his income tax return can be intercepted, they can take administrative remedies like even losing professional licenses, so if he's trying to pull something, it's really only going to backfire on him.  I do think you should just let it go through the state process.  considering it's going from the employer probably to his state, then to your state, then to you, all those things could delay the processing.  I also believe that children should never be told that their parent is not paying child support--it's an unfair burden to put on them because they are going to be thinking why doesn't my dad love me enough to give me money. 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 1:07pm

thanks all, for the advice.....knowing my ex, I think 'he' is up to something.  I know he got a second job, once they started garnishing his paychecks....maybe he's working less hours & the company is withholding less.  But, he also has medical ins., thru this company (it's a big medical, health company).....so if he cut back on his hours, I'm sure he will still have to work 30 hours a week, to keep ins.

So, yeah, he probably got advise from someone to cut down his hours (where he's getting garnished) & get a second job.

Yes, I will just wait and if a month goes by with no money, I'll start an investigation thru my state & if worse comes to worse all his arrears will be tacked on, so eventually, I will get money.  Before he can even buy a house again, he has to make sure he doesn't owe back CS.

I just hope, if he's being shady on paying & his arrears get up to $20,000? That he doesn't start harassing me to tell the courts, that it's been paid, to wipe out the debt! Because this is an ongoing thing with the ex.....all I've done is try to move on with my life, but he wants to punish me, for some reason & I certainlt hope he doesn't go to 'extremes' to not have to pay me any money!!  :smileyindifferent:

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 1:10pm

First, I would be careful mentioning money and your xH in the same sentence.  It is one thing to say "I get CS on Friday," but totally different to insinuate that he isn't paying.  I know, as they get older, it gets harder to stay neutral with a child, that isn't really a child any longer.  If I tell my DD12 I will be getting money on Friday, she wants to know "what from" and can't really dance around it at her age.

As far as CS, I have two guesses.  First, some states are not as proficient or timely in their process of receiving money to disbursing money.  When my first two were little, the state was still working through the bugs and money was delayed. 

If that does not seem to be the case where you live, and it was always timely before, then that does leave the employer.  But I don't think a week is anything to worry about.  Annoying, but not enough to warrant too much concern.  A week could simply be a day or two on the employers end, then a long weekend, or what have you. 

But with all of that said, I would definately pay attention to the dates.  If the week delay is consistent, but still two weeks apart, then no real issue.  But if the days add up to truly being behind, then I would say it warrants a concern.  Either on the employers, or the state's end of things.

My first xH worked for a friend and he was taking money out of xH's check, and not sending it in.  So yea, if too much time goes by with no check,  you might want to ask your xH.  He doesn't want to get ripped off any more than you do.  My story was unfortunate, as the IRS froze the employers account and took their money before CS.  Crappy, huh?! 

My current xH was finally held in contempt after getting to about $11,000 behind.  I didn't even have to do anything, the state did it all on their own.  I just got a letter with his court date.  Here they can lose their drivers license, professional license, and/or go to jail.  They give them every chance though to start paying.  He has a few more years before he will catch up. 

Just keep track and if something seems fishy, make the appropriate calls. 

 

Serenity
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 2:18pm

yes, thanks....I am keeping track, thru the records they set up thru the state.....I just go online and see all the payment dates I got a check, and how much I received and it shows how much he owes in arrears.

well, for the last year, I have received payments every 2 weeks, it's just with in the last 2 months that the payments aren't timely.

I believe in all the states, they can get driver's licence revoked if back support owed. Sucks, about that IRS problem you dealt with.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 6:58pm
Yea, I couldn't believe that the IRS came before child support. I don't remember exactly what happened, as xH died while still working for the friend and then of course, no CS. But instead you get social security under the deceased's benefits for the kids.

It was odd, but I want to say over a year or so later, I got a check in the mail with no real explanation. My only guess was it was from a tax refund he would have received if he was still alive. Not sure if it had anything to do with his back CS, or not.

Anywho, hopefully your delays don't become a real issue.
Serenity

Pages