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|Mon, 11-25-2013 - 2:08pm|
First, let me apologize. I feel like I only come to this forum when I feel I have nowhere else to turn, and that is not very friendly (in my mind) and I should really try to come more often.
Secondly, I am terrible with the abbreviations here, so please be patient with me
I am married, second marriage for both of us, he has two children (I have no children), and they are both teenagers. We moved across the country to be closer to them and we have been here for a year. We have been trying to get more parenting time (a nightmare in itself, she doesn't want to make a decision, she thinks anything more than every other weekend is "too much" and they have been divorced for going on 10 years, he has not been able to see the kids very much because he was in the military) They recently moved less than a mile away from our house and she still insists on every other weekend, 2 weeks in the summer, and some holidays. We would like 10-12 days a month - but the kids are uncomfortable with that, or so they tell their mother. When they are here, they are fine. They seem happy and well adjusted. We try to keep the rules as consistent as possible between the two households.
My biggest issue lately is their mother is nice to me when DH is not around, we have pleasant and friendly conversations. She is nice to him when I am not around, (when I am around she won't say two words to him unless they are sarcastic and catty) this has only increased in the past few months. She is now bashing me via email when she emails him, saying he can't make a decision without talking to me first about HIS kids (he asks my opinions about the parenting time, sometimes he listens and sometimes he doesn't, his choice, I try to stay as objective as possible. I'm trying to be supportive, but she also needs to understand the position I am in. I'm supporting kids that are not mine, paying for healthcare, etc, thousands of miles away from my nearest family member, because of my love for my husband and his children) so I guess what I am asking is - is this normal? I mean on one hand it seems that she still has feelings (she left him for another man, they tried to reconcile several times, but it didn't work. most recent time was about a year before he and I met) but on the other hand....it seems like it is about control. What is the best way to handle this?