Starting to Wonder if I'm out of Line
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|Tue, 04-02-2013 - 8:57pm|
Hello! I hope everyone is well - just popped in for a sanity check here - and I'm not familiar with all of the chat lingo (DF, everything else, I need a dictionary for all that..haha) so I'm sorry if this seems long
we just moved from one state to the other for my husband's two kids, and I already lived really far away from family but at least in our last location I had some family and now - none - we are closer (physically) to his family and we live literally 5 mins from his ex and his kids. While I was excited to come here to spend more time with the kids, we only had them twice a year, maybe three times, before this and we have only been married for a few years. It's quite an adjustment! His kids want nothing to do with me (14 and 12, 12 y/o is a girl and she is ALL about daddy which I get - she is at that age) but she won't even let me near him. She was not like this before. I feel like an outsider in my own home. I hate that feeling and I honestly don't know how to make it go away and how to feel more involved or at least like part of the family - and I get offended pretty easily lately (moody I guess) but my husband saying "we (he and his kids) try to include you" and that just makes me feel worse....
my husband travels a lot for work and he has been gone 4 days out of every 7 for the past month and his ex expects him to tell her every single time he leaves - on one hand I understand (what if something happens to the kids? but he also has a cell phone) and on the other hand - she leaves town, doesn't say a word to him about it and leaves the kids with her live in boyfriend. It doesn't make any sense to me! She has way too much control (she recently told him we shouldn't lock our bedroom door at night so guess what? we don't anymore) it just frustrates me to no end that she has a say over what happens in our home! I dont have any children of my own, and I try very hard to be understanding but this is driving me nuts! She also sent him a text saying "are you traveling this week? " he wrote back and told her the dates and stuff and she said "if you dont want to tell me when you are out of town, fine. Just nice to know in case but I get that you may not be "allowed" to tell me" which I took as a jab - he just recently yelled at me in front of his kids when we weren't getting along (I was trying to not say anything in front of his kids, I don't think it's fair to argue with him in front of them, besides, no matter what, I am the bad guy because I am not a parent, but yelling at me in front of them seems to give them a pass to disrespect me as well and that just irritates me and makes me feel awful)
The marriage hasn't been going great anyway, to be honest, but all of this is definitely not helping - thoughts? suggestions?