16+ Year Age Difference - Advice?
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|Thu, 01-23-2014 - 2:14am|
I just stumbled on to this forum tonight, and I'm happy I found you.
I am in a relationship with a man who is a little over 16 years old than me (I'm 38, and he's getting ready to turn 55.) We have great chemistry, great conversations and we seem to really "get" each other. He is so kind to me and we love each other. He has made it clear to me that he wants me to move in with him in two months when my lease is up, and he said all I have to do is "say the word" and he will buy an engagement ring and propose to me. So in other words, he's ready to get married.
I've been married once before for eight years and divorced several years ago. I don't have children, and I haven't decided whether I want children or not. My boyfriend has made it clear to me that he doesn't want children. Our life together would be just the two of us. That may or may not be a dealbreaker for me. I'm just not sure yet.
My more pressing issue is the age difference and what I see coming down the road. My boyfriend had testicular cancer over 10 years ago and after surgery and radiation went into remission. He hasn't been to the doctor in years for a checkup. He is not in the best of shape physically - he eats almost all of his meals out, drinks a little too much and hasn't been to the gym in years. He's not obese, but he probably has a good 25-30 lbs. to lose. His father passed away from a brain tumor when he was in his early 60s. My boyfriend's hands shake all the time, and I have no idea what that is about, but I wonder if it could be some kind of an autoimmune issue. (His sister is a couple of years younger than he is, and she has an autoimmune disorder and is now in a nursing home.) I beg him all the time to go to the doctor for a checkup. He says he will, but he never makes the appointment.
Sex is ok, but not great. He can get hard and has no problems staying hard during oral sex and having an orgasm. Regular sex can be a different story, though. He either orgasms way too quickly or he goes soft halfway through and we have to stop. Either way, I've never had an orgasm during sex with him because it doesn't last long enough. Thankfully, he's really good at oral sex. :) I've just never had to deal with these sex problems before as I've always dated men my age who had no problems getting/keeping erections. I miss really good sex.
All of this being said, I don't know what to do. I fear that I will be childless, sexless and will have to take care of an older man when I'm in the prime of my life. I know how horribly selfish that sounds. Any advice from others in this type of situation would be welcome.