25 Years apart, is that even possible?
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|Tue, 01-14-2014 - 10:23pm|
I befriended a man nearly two and a half years ago who is 25 years my senior. We were in the same social group and knew who each other were, but one evenng, I felt extremely drawn to him, thinking to myself that I wanted to get to know him. Not neccesarily sexually drawn, just intrigued in a major way, all in a single moment. Turns out he experienced the exact same feeling at the exact same moment. Our friendship grew over the course of months by us talking constantly. Both of us being very private people, somehow trusted each other to divulge very intimate parts of our lives to one another, (specifically very nasty break ups that we were working to deal with the wreckage of). This brought us very close over the next few months and eventually lead to an intimacy like I have never known, and later intimacy into sex. For the last two plus years we have had the most unconventional relationship. He has helped me heal from from a very bad relationship, and I think I have helped him along the way as well. We have not shared our relationship with many people for fear of hurting people we love (his grown children and my family) and allowing their input or opinions to influence our happiness. We have discussed it numerous times, but never move forward. He is afraid that while I say I am okay with it, I really am not and he is ALWAYS trying to protect me. I am sometimes my own worst enemy when it comes to most relationships, so I listen, thinking what if he is right and we ruin this amazing thing we have. He is my best friend, lover, confidant and other half of my brain most days. I think that I am okay with moving forward despite the many challenges the age gap presents, but what if I am wrong and ruin the best relationship I have ever had. What if I hurt a man who is one of the most wonderful and loyal men I have ever met. I keep coming back to the same thoughts, 25 years, can we really be happy? Is it even possible? How in the world did this ever exist in the first place? It seems so misplaced and impossible to me at times to share the kind of bond that I have with this man. Even after all this time, it still feels like springtime with him (that's what I call the beginning stages of a relationship, when no one can do no wrong). I have always been drawn to men much older than I, he is by far the eldest and what if it is just some screwed up dysfunction in me, rather than love? Anyone have any thoughts or insights? I have never posted on a forum board before, so forgive me if my thoughts are a little scattered.