Is Facebook Flirting enough to end a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Is Facebook Flirting enough to end a relationship?
6
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 3:05pm
For the past seven months, my boyfriend (25) and I (24) have had a "perfect" relationship. We met right after his father had passed away and I had just gotten out of a serious yet destructive relationship, and we instantly became each others main support, and eventually each others best friends.

After becoming very involved with each others families and friends, each of these have stated their extreme approval of the relationship and say they can't wait till we get married. Both of our friends and families have noted how happy and stable we have made each other--(I was a party girl, who couldn't keep a job after college.Since dating him, I have moved up the ranks in a medical company and now work in their management department.)

In the last seven months we have shared many beautiful memories--have taken countless trips, been on unusually creative dates, all without fighting or having a major disagreement....not even once.

Because of this, we've had a serious conversation--which he began--about our lives. He said he wants to work extremely hard over the next two years so that he has something to offer me when he proposes. He said i'm the one, and within the next 5 years, he expects to be married and start having children, because he knows that I want to be a young mom. I was thrilled and told him I felt the same way.

He has made my life so joyful and peaceful and has never given me a reason to doubt him--I can sleep over when I want, and I have always been able to contact him and been invited to everything he does.

He's always left his phone around me, and opened his email and facebook right in front of me and i've never felt a reason to snoop...and I haven't.

Except....that last week we were sitting on the couch watching television and he was on my Ipad. I glanced at it a few times and we even laughed at a mutual friends pictures. He checked all of his notifications and we commented back an forth on a few things.....After he cleared his "notifications", I expected him to open his inbox as it said he had one (1) message....I looked down at it...but he logged out without opening it.

A strange sensation came over me, one I had NEVER felt with him, and I asked him to log back in and open the message. He stared at me for a long time before saying, no. I quietly sat there, until he sighed and said, "She's just a friend. Please. I don't want this to hurt you."

He handed me the open message. It was a conversation he had started with a girl on his friends list (which I didn't know.)

He said:

(Thursday)

Hey girl, how are you?
I see you're looking stacked as always ;)

She replied:

(Sunday)

lol thanks so much! How are things with your girlfriend?
..............

I put the Ipad down and began sobbing. He began crying and holding me as I started trembling violently. I was so SHOCKED.

He just kept saying, "It meant nothing. Please. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that."

We spent the whole night awake crying into each others arms.

The next day we went to work and he asked to please see me right after our days were done.

I told him that he better had the following answers ready: 1. WHY did he message that girl? 2. What he wanted out of life, and 3. What role was I to play in his future life.

That night we went for a drive and he told me that what he wants out of life is for me to be his wife, to have his children and to be able to support us.

Through tears he then said that the reason he messaged her was because a picture of her had come up on his feed and that he had seen her on chat right after. That he now realized how terrible it was, but that at the moment, even though he knew it was flirting, he didn't think about the implications. He called it a "moment of weakness" and the "dumbest mistake of my life."

He also swore that it would never happened again and that it hasnt happened before. I checked the rest of his Facebook right after it happened and he didn't have anything else.

He also said that he would do anything it took to make it work. Anything. He hasn't stopped crying or calling me. He told his mother through tears and she asked me to please forgive him and give him the second chance he is asking for (I am extremely close to her.)


I just don't know what to do. I feel that less than a week ago I was living in a perfect world with him, were nothing could hurt us. After that, I feel that the person I was dating died, and there is nothing but a stranger in front of me.

Is it worth staying? I do still love him, and I think that I can be the bigger person and forgive him. But is this stupid of me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012

Although this was a tough experience, there are a couple of positives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry you were hurt -- I would be, too.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
it's a flirt and he said he was sorry, it hurt both of you, but you can easily mend that, caught early!!!!!Bond with each other and be glad that was all it was
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2001

Amylion182, welcome to the board!

I am sorry you are hurting.

CL for 11 years
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014

Hi Amy, I seen your post and wondered how it's going with your relationship now? Are you still together? Did he do it again?

im in the same position, I've been with my partner for three years now, very early on into the relationship, I found out that he was messaging girls, flirting, liking loads of girls pictures. . . Forgave him. . . Three years later and a few days ago, he gave his ex his mobile number over facebook, it's been non stop. I wish that, as soon as I seen the messages from the very beginning, I wish I ended things there and then, he just can't help himself! I hope that your partner didn't do it again :( it's horrible :( x 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
This may sound like a flippant reply but it is not. Can FaceBook flirting end a relationship? The answer is "Yes". It has ruined a lot relationships. I am very closely related to a person for whom this was the outcome of FB flirting. Is this going to happen to you. I doubt it. It depends on the security level of the two in the relationship and the stability of the relationship.