Is There Anything Wrong with Getting Close to a Man Who’s 32 Years Older?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2013
Is There Anything Wrong with Getting Close to a Man Who’s 32 Years Older?
6
Thu, 12-19-2013 - 9:29am

I am 35 and he is a healthy 67. We both look good and get along well, so is there anything wrong with getting close? My parents dont like me dating an older man , i dont know how should i convince them.

I consulted one of my friend she said this

"From the sounds of it, there isn’t anything wrong with getting close to this older man. But since we don’t exactly have all of the information, there are a few things to consider here.

Are you both single? And do you know if he’s interested in much younger women; is it something you’ve talked about? May-December relationships aren’t for everyone, so you don’t want to just assume that he will be all for it. But if he isn’t married or already committed to someone, and he’s genuinely interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship with you, then by all means, give it a shot!

Have you ever been in a relationship with a much older man? If not, I can tell you that it won’t be the same as dating someone who’s closer to you in age. There’s a significant age difference between the two of you and you’re essentially from two different generations—that can pose some challenges when it comes to things like your views on marriage and kids. If this does progress into a relationship, it’s important to get these issues out in the open from the very beginning. Talk about where you both stand and what your expectations are—you and your older man both need to be on the same page and in agreement about your relationship.

You should probably also figure out what exactly you’re hesitant about. Is it the age difference? Is it what other people will think of you dating an older man? Is it that you’re unsure how he feels? That’s the issue you have to deal with before starting a relationship with this older man.

The bottom line here is that, despite the stark age difference, there’s nothing wrong with getting close to an older man if it’s something you both want. If he makes you happy, you’re attracted to him, and you can see yourself in a relationship with him, and vice versa, don’t let the age difference get in the way. Of course, you should broach the subject with him before you dive in—new relationships aren’t easy even when there isn’t an age difference—but when there’s a connection, there’s a connection."

What you guys think abt it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I wouldn't say there is anything "wrong" with it as in immoral since you are both adults and you don't need your parents' permission to date him--is he your parents' age or even oder than they are?  I'm 56 and I would even be hesitant about dating a guy who is 67--but then again, I've never been interested in older men and the older I get, the more so that is.

My best friend married a guy who is 26 yrs older than she is.  He was always in good shape and kidn of young for his age.  So now he's in his 80's and he still has a couple of part time jobs because he wouldn't be happy to sit around the house & do nothing & he's very active with his kids.  They did get divorced, but so did I and I married a guy my age.

You do have things to think about.  Do you want kids?  I wouldn't think that he would at his age and even if he does, I don't know if it would be that fair to the kids to have a really old father.  What is the guy's financial situation?  I ask because you are always going to have to work while he is retired.  I know that would bother me.  I'm at the age where I'm pretty sick of working but I still have at least 10 more years and it would bother me to have to get up & go out to work every day in a stressful job (I'm a lawyer) while the guy could relax.  I do know some men in their 60's (over 65 I mean) who still work and plan to work for a while, but this is a very big age difference, so at some point, he will be retired--oh and you'll have to work just to get health insurance, while he's on Medicare.  That is unless he's really well off.

are you prepared to take care of a elderly person and maybe your elderly parents as well?  Right now he's healthy, but how about in 20 yrs when he's in his 80's?  I know very few people in their 80's who don't have some kind of health problems, although some don't interfere with every day life.  My mom is 87 and she needs to go to doctors all the time, even though she lives in her own home and still drives.  At that time, you will be the age I am now.  I still go out dancing with my friends on weekend nights and stay out really late--I just can't see an elderly guy wanting to do that kind of stuff.  My mom can't travel anywhere because she walks with a cane and it would be too tiring for her.  so are you prepared for the fact that when you are middle aged and you don't feel that old, you might not be able to do a lot of things because your man will be too old to do those things with you?  And are you prepared for him to die and you will be alone?  I know it could happen to anyone--my cousin was a widow in her early 30's and she married a guy her age who died in an accident, but it's almost guaranteed that he will die much before you do.

So if you can deal with all those things, then fine--or you might decide that you don't want to get serious with him, but you just want to date for now, and that's fine too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-1999
There is nothing "wrong" with it, but I don't think in the long run you will be happy. My husband was 10 years older than I, and even that age difference posed problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Well as they say, age is just a number. I have never cared about age difference, but as music lover very rightly mentioned, practical reasons must be taken into account. Will you be willing to take care of him 15-20 years down the line? and then practicality of having kids from an old man. You must walk into it with your eyes open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

There's nothing wrong with it, and its really nobody else's business including your parents. But of course they're concerned for your future happiness, and since they are probably around the same age as this man they have an perspective that you don't have.

The first reservation that comes to my mind is health issues. In 10 or 20 years he could be frail and need a nurse more than a lover, while you would still be young and wanting to have a physical relationship, travel, need or want to work etc. Like someone else mentioned there are the economic realities--he is winding down his working days if he's not already retired, where as you may be trying to build your career right now. Even if you're not on a career track you have at least another 30 years before retirement age.

Another concern is whether the friends will get along, do/will you like his friends and feel accepted by them, and what about your friends? Would they feel like you're bringing your father to a party? Then the question of kids, if he has already raised a family he may not want to start over.

The main issue I see with the couples I know with age differences is that the younger woman is active and the older man is less active mostly due to physical problems, but these are 10-15 year age gaps not 32 years.

Are you already dating him and wondering about taking it to the next level? For a commited long term relationship or for an affair? The comments from your "friend" are confusing because she seems to have no information about either of you---she doesn't know   whether either of you is single? Its all very general stuff you would say to a stranger but if you tell more about yourself you might get more specific advice. If you know the man enough to say "we get along well" then you probably know him enough to tell if he is interested in being more than friends. He's the person who can best address your questions and concerns.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

Well, there is one example I can give with an eighteen year difference. My husband's mother is 80 and her husband is 62. She fell about 5 years ago and broke her hip. She walks with a cane. She shows some signs of dementia. She's about to get her driver's license taken away. Her husband has never fallen, doesn't have dementia and can still drive. They are in very different life stages. I wouldn't feel comfortable in having someone much younger deal with my age issues, nor would I prematurely want to take care of a man much older. I already have my parents who elderly to help. When I was single, I told myself that 7 years was my limit for an age difference. I ended up marrying (my second marriage) a man 3 years younger. I like the fact that we like a lot of the same music, grew up watching the same tv shows (we enjoy talking about them now and then), and that we're aging in similar ways. That's my comfort level. No one else has mentioned that the older a man gets, the harder it is to get and keep an erection. This would be too sexually frustrating to me in a relationship as a young woman. As far as I'm concerned, if you're not in love with this man, why deal with all of these obstacles? I know good men are hard to find, but they're out there if you keep looking, and I'd recommend one closer to your age. Relationships are hard enough to add such a huge age difference to the mix. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I have a friend who was divorced, and she was just about your age when she met the man of her dreams, who was 15-16 years older..  They had a great life together until the last few years.  She's a healthy 75 year old, and he's in his late 80's.  He's fallen several times, he can't travel anymore because among other things he's incontinent.  He often does't know where he is or who she is.  She is his nurse/caretaker. 

 The same could happen to you........or vice versa.  Just because you're younger doesn't mean you can't fall apart and need care......and he won't be physically able to care for you. 

Someone with that age difference would make a good friend and mentor......nothing more.  There's really nothing wrong with it, but there's certainly nothing right with it, either.  Find someone your own age, or near to it.