Am I overreacting over this????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Am I overreacting over this????
5
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 1:43pm

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years (1 1/2 years long distance) lives in Los Angeles and I live in Ohio. He is in the Army reserve and currently lives with his mother and brother. Yesterday he told me he and some people form his unit are thinking about all living in a house together since they've been together at AIT and got along really well. Maybe 3-8 people depending who joins and how big the house they find is...

The problem is, is that there could be a couple female soldiers also living there too. I find it very uncomfortable. My boyfriend got angry and said that I should be able to trust him and that he's moving in whether I like it or not. He told me he didn't want to be at home all day with his mom and brother being bored...
(He doesn't have friends where he lives..his army friends are spread out all over LA)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 10:58pm

I can see both sides of this. I completely understand why you're uncomfortable with the idea of your boyfriend living in a house with females, but I also see why your boyfriend might think you're over-reacting. One of the things we often have to accept about our significant others' roles in the military is that they not only often work with members of the opposite sex but must also live in close quarters with them. Chances are that he doesn't understand why this is so upsetting to you because he simply doesn't think of these females as, well, girls. Instead, they are soldiers and buddies -- which is very different. (But I totally understand how hard that is for US to understand. After all, my husband has a very close female friend with whom he was deployed, and though she is also a good friend of mine, I still have moments of raging jealousy.)

The bottom line is that you two are going to have to talk this out. You need to let him know exactly how upset you are and, more importantly, WHY you're upset. You also need to listen to his side of the story and try to put yourself in his shoes. Hopefully, you will be able to come to an agreement about it, but if you can't, remember that someone who would completely disregard his significant other's feelings about a major issue might not be a person who is truly ready for a life-long commitment.

By Dedi (mom2jess_n_ky) on iVillage Sig Showcase



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2009
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 3:38pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 2:40pm
I agree with Mel. There are many reasons why these sort of situations make us gals uncomfortable. but for most of the guys, these girls are just colleagues and they view them as "one of the guys."
My husband and his housemate (we are separated by distance d/t me finishing graduate school- ugh) just got a new housemate, who is female. At first when he mentioned this possibility, i was not sure how I felt about it. I was not concerned about anything happening, I had just never thought of them getting a third housemate (3 BR house) who was female. I met her last weekend and she is great!
I completely understand your hesitance with the situation, but it is also important to sympathize with him looking to move away from home and have some more independence; as well as live with housemates whom he wants to live with.
Perhaps it would help if you met the gals on your next trip out? Just try to keep an open mind. If you trust one another, you should feel comfortable with the decision he makes.
God bless,
wendy
God bless,
wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 8:53pm

Ok, I am going to play the side of the female housemates....these women are good enough to deploy with your SO, work with everyday, etc, but they can't share a house as roommates?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 10:26am

All throughout undergrad and grad school, I lived in dorms and apartments that were coeds. Only for brief moments did I only live with women. Even while I was in the dorm (where there were apartments with 6 people each), I can't think of an instance where roommates dated. Some of my male roommates were good looking and really nice, but I didn't think of them as more than friends. As Heather pointed out, there's something about seeing someone "at their worst" everyday that dampens any romantic or lustful feelings. Haha, one of my good-looking male roommates used to change into his pajamas every day when he got home. It wasn't exactly a turn on. :-)


Besides, if your boyfriend is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. He can find temptation in a million places. Stopping him from living with girls really won't make a difference.


:-) Marin

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