Best man troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2009
Best man troubles
5
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 3:45pm

So this I think is a mix of venting and wanting some advise..As most of you know I'm getting married this summer. Okay here it goes. When Dan and I were picking out wedding party, it was an interesting task since most of Dan's SEAL/Navy friends most likely couldnt get leave to come be in our wedding. So Dan picked his friends from church and high school, he was a little upset about this since he hasn't been close with most of these guys for a couple years.


So to pick someone who was close to us both we pick Dan's brother Andrew for Dan's best man. A little background on Andrew, he's a interesting person and when I say that I mean he's one of those super smart guys


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:13pm

Okay, here's my two cents as someone who has been the maid of honor at a couple of weddings, the bride at big fairytale wedding, and the bride at an elopement. ELOPE! Okay, I'm kidding. But there is something you really need to understand: you've gotta chill.

I'm not sure what your wedding date is, but even if it's late May, you still have 3 and a half months before the wedding. If you were talking about venue shopping in either a large metropolitan area or a smaller area with very few options, I'd tell you to Bridezilla yourself away and get moving on it. But tuxes? Tuxes are soooo not worth this.

There really aren't that many choices when it comes to tuxes. Seriously. Look in any bridal magazine or browse the selection at any rental shop. Your big decisions are going to be color, tails or no, tie/ascot/bowtie, and cummerbund vs. vest. Yes, there are slightly different collars and such, but we're not talking about the complexity of choosing a wedding dress silhouette (for that, you have about a million choices). Also, most shops don't need that much notice for tux rentals. Find out how much your shop of choice needs, and work with that.

Finally, do you really need an entourage to make this decision? NO! You and Dan can go look at what's available, decide on a tux, and have the shop measure Dan. Then Andrew and the rest of the groom's party can get measured at their convenience before the shop's deadline.

Remember, your wedding is rightfully the most important day in the history and current events of the world to you and Dan, but you can't expect other people to feel that way. So my advice is to chill out and let Andrew concentrate on studying this weekend since that's obviously what he really feels like he needs to focus on. Then choose a less stressful time for Dan or his parents to speak with Andrew about what EXACTLY is expected of him regarding getting fitted for his tux, preparing a toast, and throwing a bachelor party and when he feels he could handle those responsibilities without it adversely affecting his other responsibilities.

By Dedi (mom2jess_n_ky) on iVillage Sig Showcase



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:17pm

Hmm ... I can see both sides of the story on this one. To you, making sure that everything runs smoothly for the wedding is important. You don't want to discover that Andrew doesn't have a tux one week before the wedding.


However, I imagine that Andrew is pretty stressed if he needs to come home to study. He probably also feels that January is too early to be looking for a tux for a summer wedding. Given that he is a guy and 19, I would guess that he was planning on looking for a tux after his semester is over. I don't know much about tuxes because the men wore suits for my wedding, so I can't comment on the timing of that.


Also, the best man is really something that Dan should be dealing with, and his parents said they would help keep Andrew on the ball. Given that the wedding is a few months off, it's worth trusting that they will keep their word on making sure this gets done. Otherwise, you come off as controlling, which I'm sure you don't want to happen!


I know it's difficult because you want the wedding to be perfect, but let go a little and let other people do what they said they would. If you're noticing that things aren't getting done at a point when they need to be completed, then you can step in.


:-) Marin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:38pm

Thanks guys for you thoughts :) I think that I got it worked out so far.. Andrew and I talked about an hour ago.. We worked things out and we came to an agreement. I also talked to the tux place ( I didnt know this before.) and they said normally they dont have the grooms men try on the tuxes before hand.. Which is okay I guess.. But I


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 9:06am

hmmm....




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Thanks Lauren for
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 12:34pm

Mel's right about the tuxes. There isn't really *that* much to consider when making that desision, vs. the bride's and bridesmaids dresses. Rob and one of the groomsmen got home 23 days before our wedding, they were on deployment. And the best man, Rob's brother, lived in Vegas. I basically had atux picked out, showed Rob when he got home, he got measured, and so did his brother and groomsman at their own convience. Honestly, it doesn't take that long (you could probably wait until the weekbefore) to order tuxes. The major chains that rent out tuxes have TONS. As for the best man responiblities, ours lived in Vegas, so in our case, Billy's main job was to show up, support us, sign the lincese and give a speech at the reception.

I totally understand how stressful planning a wedding is. And I can totally relate to not wanting to be seen as a "bridezilla". Maybe, depending on how close you are to Andrew, you can talk to him and let him know that you are stressed planning this wedding and how much it does mean for him to be by both of your sides on the big day. Maybe a list of what you would like him to help with would be benificial. The wedding is only one SMALL part of a marriage. Take a deep breath, and it will all be ok. We're here for you ;)

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