in between the the friendship and dating stage with a military guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
in between the the friendship and dating stage with a military guy
7
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 11:24pm

Hi everyone, I have been reading a lot of post hear tonight and have leaned a lot thank you, so i thought i would ask for a bit of advice/ information.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Hi and welcome to the board! My name is Tricia and I've been here for about 10 yrs now and have been married to my military man for 7 of those years. Wow, lots to digest in your post.

My relationship started online (back then it was abnormal thing now its not!) and to be honest, I was his friend for 6 months or so before we moved it to the next level. I think letting things progress at a natural rate is key.

I also think one of the reasons that you feel like this relationship is going 60 mph is because it has sex involved in it already. (or at least how I'm reading your post.) One of the things I had to learn to do is to just breathe and let things go. If its meant to be.. it will be.

Tricia

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
I'm actually very confused by your post. At one point, you said you just met last Sunday, but then at another you said he stays at your house 4 nights a week. But then in yet another part, you said you are a single mom and that you don't want him meeting your son yet. I just don't quite see how all that fits together so I'm a bit lost.

Regardless, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Ask him what he expects from you while he is deployed. Are you both planning to "wait" for each other? I can understand not wanting to have too serious of a conversation at this point, but if you aren't on the same page when he leaves, it will make the deployment a lot harder. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
thank you so much this helps me out to keep things straight. I try to keep telling my self this over and over but sometimes hearing from someone else helps more. I defiantly don't want to rush or force anything and i defiantly don't want to add anymore pressure on him. So with that said i have made sure that i let him be the first to text but when he does text or call i do text right back or answer the phone. and when it comes time to see each other i make sure that i don't guilt him in to seeing me. So thank you for the support. As the time gets closer to him leaving i am getting more and more sad and i try super hard not to cry in front of him. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
I am sorry for the confusion. Yes we did meet in person for our first date on the 17th. That week he spent 4 nights at my apt. No he did not meet my son he would come over after my son was asleep for the night and left before he woke up in the morning. Thank you for the help i was thinking the same thing today at work about the conversation. I just want to make sure that i dont end up scaring him away while he is going away lol.I think i might have to just wright down all my thoughts first and get it out before i talk to him. I really do appreciate your help so much it makes me feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thank you ladies for all the advise it gave me a boot and some incite on what to do. We have talked a small bit tonight over text but i told him that we really need to do this in person so when he comes over tomorrow he said we will talk about things and i told him even thou we are opening up so quickly we can still take things slowly. Its funny even thou i have sent my brother off on deployments in years past this is so different for me lol. Thank you for listening/reading and i will try to keep you posted good or bad as this unfolds. <3 to everyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
I agree with Stacey. You both need to be on the same page before he leaves about where you are in your relationship and where you want to go with it in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011

So for an update,

We had such a great talk about everything and how we feel and what we want from each other while he is over in Iraq. Every sense then we have been so expressive with how we are feeling and we have been getting closer. We still are going to remain single while he is gone and not to rush anything just because he is leave so soon and that we will just pick up were we paused the relationship, but will talk as much as we can online and on the phone( i know the internet will be the main way we talk). i have started a