BF trying to get into boot camp...wish I could shut off my brain

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
BF trying to get into boot camp...wish I could shut off my brain
10
Fri, 05-27-2011 - 1:33pm

My bf of a year has just gotten his criminal justice degree in college and is now in the process of trying to join the Coast Guard. This would not be my first experience dating a Coastie, but it will be my first experience dealing with having a boyfriend in boot camp. It will also be the first time in a year that I haven't gotten to talk to him almost every day (I fully expect that the one 5-minute phone call he will be allowed to make while he is gone will be to his mother). I am just so anxious...he is not anxious at all, however. He was brought up differently than I was, and to him, this is what he has to do to have a better future. What with the economy and all, and police forces laying people off, this is what he feels he needs to do to build a foundation for his career. (Eventually he does want to be a police officer, but he wants to have some military experience first).

I am trying so hard not to become distraught when we talk about it, but I absolutely hate knowing that at any moment, I could get the call that he's leaving in just a couple of weeks. I'm not ready to lose him for 2 months, but at the same time, I want it over with so we can move on to the next step - getting a place together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011

PS...I'm also worried he will miss me (and his mom and grandparents) more than he's letting on. I think he's trying to act tough. Is that possible? Lol

Anyway, I am at least happy that he finally discussed with me that he would like for me to accompany him on this journey. I was terrified that once he was done with school, he'd decide to just move on without me. (I've known since the night we met that he'd be joining the Coast Guard after he was done with school). But, each time I brought up what was going to happen to us, he'd tell me not to worry about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

That must be really frustrating (and kind of scary?) waiting for that call!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
What you're going through is normal. It's a new way of life that you know absolutely nothing about.

I don't know much about Coast Guard basic, but if it's like other branches, you'll be able to send letters. He'll be able to write you now and then. So, it won't be the exact communication that you're used to, but it's something.

He did ask you to come with him on his journey, so that's a really good sign!! However, your anxiety is warranted because it isn't a secret that guys undergo a transformation while in basic.

It's important that before he leaves that you're both being open and honest in addition to being on the same page about your expectations for your relationship. Make sure that this something that you both want and have the same ideas about your future together.

While he's gone, it is important to keep busy so you don't go crazy. I found a great book club and crocheting group on www.meetup.com There's other types of groups you can find there too. I have a few friends at my church that I hang out with every now and then. They're usually running some type of social event once a month too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011

I'm worried about the "transformation," as well. Although, it didn't really change my ex's brother much at all. But I am a worrier, so I still worry. He is really acting like it's no big deal, and I honestly think he really doesn't know what he's in for, which worries me, too. He pretty much told me not to expect any letters from him...he hates writing. But, we shall see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
He may change his tune about writing once he gets there. lol. Going through basic effects everyone differently, so you need to keep an open mind about it and try not to worry that much. He's probably trying to stay strong for you and there's also the possibility that he's excited, since this is a good opportunity for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011

We talked about it a little more tonight. He didn't have very long to talk to me earlier today because he was on his way to fax in his application before work. He is kind of excited about it...he's anxious to get out of his crappy retail job and on to something better. I feel a little better after talking to him tonight. He says since he grew up in a military family (his dad and former stepdad were military), so he feels comfortable with the process. I explained to him that, while I want to be supportive and happy for him, that I hope he understands that the thought of not seeing him, kissing him, hugging him, etc. for two months seems like a LONG time to me, and that it feels kind of like breaking up. He's being very understanding of it. I told him he needs to be prepared for me to get emotional at times. Of course, I just found out tonight that he can't stay over on the one night we get to spend together each week (I work 3rd shift). This bums me out a lot, because now I feel like we only have weeks left before he goes. We will get to spend the day together, but I will miss waking up in his arms the next morning. :-( I can't wait to get to where I get to wake up in them every day (or at least, every day that he's home, depending on what his assignment becomes).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011

One thing I forgot to mention...the area I live in is AWFUL for trying to get out and meet people. There are no "Meetups" within reasonable driving distance. It's a college town that is dead over the summer, and outside the "cities", it's nothing but farms and corn fields. There are bars and stuff...but not much to do on the nights I have off (which are not weekends - I work 3rd shift in retail).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007

Just take a few deep breaths, calm your nerves, and take it one step at a time. After all, whatever will be, will be. Worrying won’t change it. But preparation? That just might make a difference.




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
My famiy keeps pointing out to me, too, that he has not been accepted yet, so to try and not get all worked up over something that may not even happen. But, I think him not getting in is unlikely...plus, if he weren't accepted, I would truly be disappointed for him. He has been planning doing this since before we met. At any rate, I would rather prepare myself. I don't remember being this sad when my ex used to leave for 2 months at a time. Lol I remember being sad, just not this much. I am so lucky he is so kind and patient with me when I get emotional. I had a bf before him who was talking about joining the Marines, and that upset me a lot. Only, he chose distancing himself from me and broke up with me less than 2 months after he told me what he was doing.

I know what you mean about feeling like you're doing things together even if you are not. My sweetie and I only get to see eachother 1-2 times a week unless I take extra days off or skip on sleep because I work 3rd shift and we live and work 40 minutes away from each other. One Sunday afternoon when we first started dating, I "stayed up late" to go on one of my photography expeditions at a state park I hadn't been to. He was working. We were constant texters when we first met, so he'd text me every time he went on break. As I was texting him throughout the day, telling him about my adventures, I felt like he was there with me. To this day, when I look at those pictures, I almost feel like it was one of our dates. Sometimes I forget he was not actually with me.

I don't think I can put pictures in my letters (I forget what the rules are...I remember with my ex's brother, we weren't allowed to mention things like news stories or results of sporting events, and I want to say we weren't allowed to send pictures, but I am not sure)...but I can just describe the things I take pictures of. Lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011