February 6 weekly confessions

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
February 6 weekly confessions
16
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 7:41pm

Guess since it's a new week I'll start a new thread.

I confess that I'm almost to my breaking point of just wanting Nic to take a position where he will deploy again. Friday, yesterday, and today his work schedule has been 4 to midnight. On Friday, he called me at work around 2:30 wanting to know where his gloves were. I hadn't touched his gloves, but of course it was my fault that he couldn't find them. He ended up practically hanging up on me. Now, it wasn't me he was mad at, and when I got off work and purchased him gloves, arriving just in time for his break, he wasn't upset at all, and acted like his normal self. But in that period of getting ready to go to work he is just UNBEARABLE! When he left today, he left without kissing me goodbye or anything, which is highly unusual. Everything is 100% normal and perfect for us except in that 30 minutes to an hour that leads up to him going to work. He is so miserable he can't stand it. And to make it worse, starting this week he's going to be 40 hours a week because one of the other guys is about to leave for Ranger School. So he'll be working mostly midnight to 8 AM shifts for 40 hours a week until that guy comes back from Ranger School. It's better than 4 to midnight, because it means we'll at least get to have dinner together, but it also means I'm going to be sleeping by myself almost every night, while possibly leading up to him being gone for a few months. *sigh*

I also confess that the date we have set is well over a year away and I'm already stressing out about how to plan a wedding from so far away. It's hard trying to figure out how many people will actually travel for our wedding and therefore what we can afford to spend. He's all about it being some extravagant thing and spending around $15K but I'm like no way am I spending that much money on one day!! But, the more stressed out about it I get, the more tempted I am to find someone that will literally do everything for me and then I won't have to worry about putting together all the details from so far away. *sigh again*

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 9:13pm

Okay, here's my two cents on both matters.

First, Nic is going to have to understand that while he may be completely miserable in his job, he can't take it out on you. I know the proverbial "they" always say "you always hurt the ones you love," but that doesn't mean its okay




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 2:00pm

Mel needs to get out of my head because she said exactly what I was going to say on both fronts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 3:50pm
Megan- there's always David Tutera ;) I also found once I had a place and date a lot of the other things fell into place.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 3:51pm

I busted my butt, both feet in the air taking Rissa to the bus.

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 7:33pm
Well I definitely got a big huge dose of "be careful what you wish for" this morning... Nic got a phone call from the company he's been trying to get on with, and they offered him a job... a ONE YEAR position in Kuwait to start ASAP. Like, as in he's expediting a passport and may leave as early as February 20 if he accepts the job. He told them he had to talk to his fiancee and they said they would call him back tomorrow. So I completely broke down this morning, and he got defensive. He said he feels like I don't care that he's miserable at his job and all I care about is that he's making some money for us to pay our bills. We talked about the fact that I had already accepted the fact that he was wanting to go to Iraq for a few months and that I preferred that over the miserable, defensive person he has been on days that he works, and I pointed out all the previously mentioned stuff here. I of course didn't do any of this without crying, which made it worse. I mean, he kept saying "If I was still in the Army..." but doesn't seem to connect that this is TOTALLY different. For one thing, when he deployed with the Army, I knew about it MONTHS ahead of time, not weeks, and had plenty of time to accept that he was going to be gone and make plans for things that needed to be taken care of before he left. Second, I was in Georgia and he was in Texas therefore we were already used to not seeing each other. Now we've been living together for over a year. Third, we're planning a wedding. If he leaves in a couple weeks and is gone for a year, that leaves me to plan the whole thing without him. Go shopping for my wedding band without him, pick a venue without him, and so on. I know he could see pictures but that just isn't the same. Then on top of that we talked about how it was upsetting to me that we bought a house only for him to leave. We made the decision to buy a house because we would be stable and staying put for at least 5 years while he goes to school. We bought the house in the location we did because it was in the middle of where I would be working and where he would be going to school. Now I'm stuck driving nearly an hour and a half to get the 30 miles from work to home in the evenings when we could have just rented somewhere close to my job, since he apparently won't be starting school anytime soon. I'm sure there's a lot of details that I'm leaving out and some of the above may not even make any sense. My eyes burn just thinking about typing all this out. I was not prepared for this at all and now I just don't know how to deal. AT ALL. I don't want to go to the hospital when my nephew is born without him with me, I don't want to go to 2 more weddings alone even though I'm engaged, I don't want him to be gone for ANOTHER anniversary, his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's Day, and so on. I know I'm being selfish, but we've actually managed to hold onto New Years Eve and we've been together every single one of them so far. I don't want to lose that. I know when he goes back into the military we will most likely lose several of them, but I don't want to lose it yet. I don't want to stay in this BIG house all by myself, without even a pet to keep me company. If he was back in the Army and deploying, we'd be renting somewhere much smaller knowing he was going to deploy. UGH.

As for wedding stuff. If he does this, I'm DEFINITELY going to be paying more money and getting a package deal and/or hiring a planner. He kept trying to make it better this morning by teasing me that I could spend as much as I want on our wedding if he does this because he will make very good money for the year he is gone. But it's not worth it to me and I told him as much. And Jennie, as for David Tutera, I'd love to, but since we aren't getting married in LA or NY it'd take a miracle for him to put us on the show. And I surely can't afford his price tag without it being free on the show. LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 8:57pm

Breathe, sweetie. Right now, you're in the freak out stage (which is totally understandable). But you know you can do this. Yes, this is totally different from the last time, but don't think all those differences are bad. For instance, if he's going to be in Kuwait, I can almost guarantee that your communication will be much better than last time (it's so built up there it's ridiculous). I know that's a small thing right now, but it's going to be a big comfort later, and I'm sure it won't be the only difference. At the moment, all you can focus on are all the challenges and negative things that come with deployment -- especially a sudden one. During the lead-up, I think it's almost impossible to remember the things that would be really helpful to remember -- like the stages when time seemed to pass quickly, the times you figured out you could do things on your own that you never thought you could, etc.




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:20pm

Well he's actually already bought his wedding band, believe it or not he bought it in SEPTEMBER because he found it at a store in California that he really liked so he went ahead and got it. I already have jewelry that has to be taken for their semi-annual inspection the months of January, June, July, and December so I'm hoping to get my band in one of those months. However, IF he stays through March (here's to crossing my fingers that his expedited passport takes at least through the end of the month) we can go pick mine out in March when he takes his band to get inspected.

Oh yeah, and when the subject came up he was only talking about doing a 3 to 6 month option in Iraq. Because of wanting to start school in August. But the shortest they have available at the moment is Kuwait and they called this morning to offer it and they want a decision quick, fast, and in a hurry. So no, I really didn't consider that a year was ever an option because he wasn't looking for it and hadn't even talked about the possibility of postponing school and going for longer than 6 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 8:01am

Total blindside on the length then. Still, keep your chin up. You're going to be fine. You're a strong girl, and you have plenty of people to offer support whenever you need it.




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 12:01pm

I ditto Mel on some big deep breaths.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 12:48pm

I confess that I started my morning with a SparkPeople 10-minute cardio blast and alternated between light cardio and strength training while I watched last night's Biggest Loser on hulu. I've already burned 1400 calories today, and I have more energy than I've had by nap time in weeks. Why don't do I do this all the time? I know




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