Frustrated :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Frustrated :-(
6
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 1:25pm
As those of you who read my previous post know, my bf of 1 year has applied to be in the Coast Guard, and once he gets through medical and gets accepted, he will be leaving for boot camp. This has had me quite stressed out, the thought of not seeing him or talking to him for 2 months.

I was taking solace in the fact that we have at least had a day off together every week for the past several months. Well, that is changing, too. We both work retail, and while I have a set schedule, he does not. He has asked that they please give him one of my days off. They have been pretty accomodating, but next week, they're making him work both my days off. This means I will only get to spend a few hours with him Instead of a whole day/night. I am so depressed...I was counting on us at least having our weekly day off together before he leaves me for 2 months.

I keep worrying about it, that it will be like this every week until he leaves. Unfortunately, in retail, you have to be pretty much willing to work whatever days they need you if you want to get hours...and basically, the only was for him to get the hours he needs next week was to work my days off. He needs the hours because otherwise, he won't make enough money to pay his bills, and all his bills have to be current for him to get accepted in the Coast Guard. So I do understand that. I am just upset, worrying what will happen to us if we can't spend enough time together. Just feeling discouraged. :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 9:13pm
Hmm, it's really tough for me to read this and give sound advice. I don't want to come across harsh, or unsympathetic because I'm not trying to be either of those things, so I apologize in advance if I do.
The best I can tell you is that worrying about it isn't going to change a thing. Make the best of what you have and go with it, because the Coast Guard isn't going to be any more accommodating with his schedule than his current job is.
I haven't had to deal with the whole boot camp experience with someone I am in a relationship with, but I have dealt with a deployment. I was in Georgia while he was in Texas for the 2 months leading up to his deployment, and even though I hadn't seen him in 2 months when his phone died before he was able to call me before he took off that night, I bawled my eyes out for hours, crushed that I didn't even get to talk to him before he deployed. Did it make a difference in the long run? Not a bit. [And for the record, he bought a phone charger at the airport in Maine during their brief layover, then laid in the floor while it was charging so that he could call me before they left the states, since he didn't get to the night before]
Just hang in there and do your best to not worry. It doesn't change things so you just have to roll with the punches and make the best of what you get. You've been dating a year, so it isn't like this is a brand new relationship where you're unsure of each other. You should be pretty well established at this point.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 4:22am
Thank you. I do know I am overreacting because my depression/anxiety have been "flaring up" with the stress of knowing he is enlisting, plus family issues I am dealing with, work stress, and the stress of having to work 3rd shift. I am so blessed that he has been so patient with me.

I do know being upset won't change a thing. He thinks this will just be a fluke thing and that his schedule will go back to normal. I am also going to try and figure out a way to sneak in some more "quick" time with him throughout the week. And since I dated a Coastie once before, I know what to expect once he gets in. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 5:03pm
That does suck. However, the one good thing about this situation is now you have a set of training wheels for the military lifestyle. It throws a bunch of curveballs at you at one point or another. The only option is to be flexible and deal with it, one step at a time, as you really don't have the power to change it. However, you can change how you react to it.

You guys can figure something out, Do you get a lunch or dinner break at all? He could bring you something and you can just chit chat for a bit. Can you wake up earlier to have breakfast together? Take a deep breath and try to clear your mind bc as Megan was saying, worrying does not help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Sun, 06-05-2011 - 1:27pm
We got together for a couple hours this morning. He just left and I feel so sad. I'm used to getting a whole day with him, but it's his best friend's birthday party today, plus I need to sleep fpr work tonight. He did come over and we watched a movie together. I wish I could get past feeling sad when he leaves. I feel like such a baby. Lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Sun, 06-05-2011 - 1:40pm
PS...I know I react abnormally to things.,I suffer from both intense depression and intense anxiety. I have not been on medication for a few years now, but two days ago, I had a bad panic attack and immediately went to the doctor. I have been feeling so anxious, and I know it has affected the way I act around him. I have been finding myself acting clingy and needy, and I am just disgusted with myself. Then, last week when we had the day together, I was so worried about how I've been acting, and worried that I was pushing him away that I actually started to have a mini panic attack. I literally made myself sick to my stomach worrying. It's not only the stress of him joining the Coast Guard and all the emotions I am dealing with tjat go with that. I am dealing with a great deal of work stress, I hate working 3rd shift but have no choice (I apply for positions on other shifts, but I get passed over), and there's a lot of crap going on in my family that I can't get away from. I live with my alcoholic, depression-and-anxiety-prone mom, an angry and negative brother who is disabled because of an autp accident, his wife, who also suffers from depression and anxiety, and their 4-month old baby...sometimes the baby will just cry and scream for a good hour, and while I know babies do that, it is still hard for me to be around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Sun, 06-05-2011 - 1:43pm
Oh...forgot to add...I am going to start taking meds again to help me cope with it all. I have to wait until tomorrow to call my dr again, though, because the prescription she gave me is not available in generic and even with insurance, it was going to cost over $100!!!