Girlfriend of Special Force Soldier

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Girlfriend of Special Force Soldier
7
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 2:39pm

My love of my life was getting out in March - but has been called in (yesterday) to war - I'm stunned as he was to get out soon - I'm stunned, and unprepared...that he's going to going off the grid - and all I'll hear is silence for the next few months...we are both heartbroken.


I'm looking for advice from others, that have dealt with this situation of not knowing, where he is, what he'll be doing, or when or if he's coming back to me.


My guy asked me - if I wanted to be notified by his father...in the event, something happens...I said yes and just cried....We are both 40 years old, and have fallen deeply in love


Is there any kind advice - that might help me, get my mind around this situation? I was not prepared for this sudden turn of events - I've never had an experience with this in my life - how do I comprehend, adjust, keep from crying, keep my life together????


I'm crying right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 4:11pm

Hi! I'm Steph, 22 living in NC. My Husband is Adam, 24 and is in the USMC. He is currently deployed and will be home in early December.


I'm sorry to hear that your BF has unexpectedly had to leave. I know separations are hard, and I'm sure it's even

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 4:36pm

I agree with Steph...you're going to have to find things to keep your mind busy while he's gone, and also realize that until his date of separation, the Army can take him anywhere or anytime to meet the needs of the Army. It's 5 months til he gets out...if you look at this as a period of time to tie up any of your own loose ends, you will be very busy while he's gone, and maybe even find some new things you'd like to do.


As for the absolute no-contact.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 6:19pm

Thank You - so much it helps hearing your advice. I guess the only thing I can do - is get busy (staying busy) and try not to think about things he may be doing.


(hugs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 6:26pm

Thank you as well ArmyMidwife...your note made me feel better - and advice excellent too. Stay Strong. Stay Busy...that's about all I can do (it's the not thinking about him) that will be difficult - but "it is what it is" so best if I try and forget about what he's doing...


Not thinking about him: it

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 8:41pm

Hi specialforces girl,

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend being called away. I know how hopeless and stressed you must feel. When I started dating my now fiancee, he was supposed to be out of the Army in a little over a year. We were counting down the days when he was told that he would be stop lossed and going back to Iraq for the second time for a year. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. We had been doing the long distance thing ( he is stationed in Germany ) for 6 months at that point. He left last Dec, and we are now a little over a month away from being together again.

Steph and Heather hit the nail head on, you have to stay busy. Also, something Mel (who gives great advice) on this board said stuck with me a long time ago as well. She said there was no use wondering and worrying and playing the "what if" game when if the worst had happened, I would already know! That really helped me get through some bad times. Finally, Mark's battery sends out newsletters and the FRG's motto "Don't just survive, thrive!" has really stuck with me. Although there are days when I feel like I'm just surviving, I also know that our relationship is stronger than ever and I have become a better person thus thriving through this deployment :)

You and your boyfriend seem very committed to each other. You can do this, no matter how hard it may seem. The first few days after they leave is the hardest, but it does get a little bit more manageable as time goes by :) hope you're feeling better and this helps.

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Thank you Tanya for my beautiful signature!





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 9:48pm

Thank You soo very much - I'm so grateful for the understanding...I met a handsome Soldier who was recovering from an IUD ....and not on the grid and retiring in 5 months.....I really didn't think this would happen, like this....especially he's already secured a job come April on the civilian side of things. So much too look forward to!


I suppose you all can help me play catch up - on all these emotions, I was not prepared, perhaps naively.


so it's okay to be lost the first few days, well that's a relief...and from the sounds of it you all are getting through this i can too....


maybe it's the way he told me? His last day of our two week vacation together - he told me the night before his flight that he was reporting for deployment....I was shocked....????? He said Darling, no good would have been our last two weeks together, with your tears..nothing can change and I wanted you to smile and be happy (even for just two weeks longer) it crushes me to have to tell this, but postponing it- was the best way I knew how to break it to you/like ripping the band-aid off - before he boarded the plane. He said I so Love you Darling - it crushes me to tell you like this and yet I feel you've had two weeks of happiness - in the not "knowing" and I wanted that for you...not for myself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 11:58pm
Honestly, while it being sprung on you like that sucks, he's right about "knowing" putting at least somewhat of a damper on things leading up to deployment. It doesn't necessarily ruin things but I know the last couple days we have together are always hard on me, whether it was me leaving Texas to fly back to Georgia (I'm Megan, by the way, and my BF Tru is currently deployed to Iraq but is based in Texas when he's stateside while I'm in Georgia, until he returns from Iraq anyways) or if it was him going back to Iraq from his leave a week ago. I've had those moments where he's doing something really sweet or gentle and I get teary eyed because I know it's the last time we're going to be able to do it for x number of months, or things like that. So while it does suck, he was kinda right that at least doing it this way (it's not like you got a LOT of notice either way) you were able to fully enjoy every minute you had together without dwelling on the upcoming deployment or crying at the drop of a hat :) I do understand being told that way being incredibly difficult as well though so *hugs*

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thanks to mom2jess_n_ky for my siggy!

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