i'm completely new to this and i'm about to go insane
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 01-11-2012 - 9:21am|
ok, so im 21 years old..i live in munich germany and i go to university over here for 1 1/2 more years..last year in april i met my boyfriend, a soldier stationed in schweinfurt at that time thru friends and right from the beginning we felt the chemistry between us. from that moment on we spent every weekend until he told me that he has to go back to the states because he just came back from a deployment. he left in the beginning of july and we said that i have to finish my university for us to have a better future and he has to go to ft bragg for the next 2 years..maybe that is important, he is 38 ( i know in the beginning i was kinda shocked too but he doesnt seem that old neither do i act like a typical 21 year old girly girl ;) ) and he has been divorced twice with one 4 year old son..so in the beginning everything was fine, we were talking at least twice a day over skype and he was all into me and bascially 'tripping' because i was not as much online as he wanted me to be because at that time i was busy..so i planned my first trip to NC and i flew over there in octobre and everything was fine..afterwards as well..he was online thru the day on googletalk so i could write him whatever was on my chest and he was calling me after work over skype when he was home..so i planned my second trip over new years and i just got back 3 days ago..i dont know how to say this, his actions make me insecure, like he is sending me mixed signals..on the one hand i know for sure he is into me but on the other hand i wish he would tell me more and it seems like he is not so sure..other than that he is trusting me but not really trusting trusting me and complaining because i went out once and i said i wasnt going to drink anything but came home superdrunk..so he is like 'oh you dont do what you say you will do' blablabla..of course i talked with him about it several times, but he is bascially brushing it off like if he wasnt into it like the way i am into it he would not even call me that much etc. which is true..maybe it is also important to mention that he doesnt really like it in NC and that he bascially has no friends other than the people from work..he comes home from work, gets something to eat and then he bascially goes to bed..i never had the feeling like there was another woman in the picture or anything like that..but still im worried out of my mind..and to that he says i should stop worrying, i need to focus on school, everything else will be fine but if it was that easy! or i worry too much for a girl my age and i should stop doing before it is too late because there is no reason to worry..i hear him but why do i not HEAR him?! since im back we have been in contact over emails, and he replied to them but he is not online over googletalk anymore neither on skype, so he hasnt called me in 3 days even tho before we have been talking bascially every day..last night i couldnt sleep, i cried all night long without really knowing why so i wrote him a msg to his phone saying get on skype but so far i havent hear anything from him, and that is 12 hours ago now..
i hope somebody out there is understanding me and can really help me out..i want it to work with him but i know sometimes it isnt meant to be..but then again when we are together and everything is fine it seems like we are two people with one mind..my friends advise me to stay calm, there is nothing wrong etc. but at this point i dont really know what to do that makes me stop worrying and gets us back into the routine we had before..