Just back from the airport. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just back from the airport. :(
20
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 2:12pm

I used to hang out on this board way back. My BF is a former marine and current contractor. He does 4.5 month deployments. I just got home from the airport and I'm a puffy mess, and I guess I just wanted to commiserate with people who understand what it's like. He's headed back to Afghanistan. He works 12 hr days 7 days a week and usually is opposite my schedule (we don't know yet what his hours will be). When he was over there last we didn't get a phone call the entire time (he did email as much as possible and sometimes IM worked, but he had too crappy of

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 2:19pm
Sorry he had to go again. It sucks when they leave. My DH just got back from a year long deployment about 3 weeks ago. He's looking into getting out and looking at contractor jobs that have rotations overseas, but I'm really hoping he finds one that doesn't require him to go overseas.

I hope you get into your routine soon and feel better soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 2:55pm

All separations are tough, whether they're a few a months or a year or more. And, no, I don't think you're the only one who finds yourself on edge and picking fights during pre-deployment. It's




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 5:24pm
Thank you for the support, ladies. I understand all the job benefits, but I just wish he (and they all) didn't have to go to far away dangerous places for months at a time. I am so jealous of people whose men are home all the time, and though people are supportive, they don't really understand. It's a comfort to talk to other women who get it.

Melanie, it's probably better in some ways to have the shorter deployments, obviously it's nicer to have to deal with the "away" part for a shorter duration, but man is it hard saying goodbye so frequently. Some days I'd really like him to be home longer so I'm not always feeling the dread of the next one. (Kicks in one to two months after he's home- my brain is constantly calculating how the days are numbered). It's also difficult to go through the emotional rollercoaster so often (getting used to him being here/comfort/closeness to the bickering/distancing/away/ get in the groove/used to being independent...then back to anticipating his arrival...and up and down..). I'm sure many of you understand that routine. We find our ways to be close when he's gone, but it's a different location everytime, different communication access, etc...and just always so much unknown. It's hard to feel connected sometimes and right now I'm anticipating the lonely nights where he can't write, the deep desire just to be cuddled, to hear his voice, to reach out to him in the middle of the night, bruch our teeth together, etc...sometimes it just feels overwhelming and I wish so much he could be home for a stretch of time. But I know those year long deployments are brutal too. I have done 7 months too...and that was rough.

I am sorry to any of you that have to go through this. It's really not easy. Thanks for your support. It so helps to know I'm not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 6:01pm

(((HUGS))))

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 9:31pm

Restrict your comments? Screw that, I say. It's not your fault if some guys aren't making their families a priority (for whatever reason; I do know that some guys just have to communicate less frequently in order to cope), and if it's a matter of everyone legitimately not having the same opportunities, I sympathize with those people, but that's also just kind of how the cookie crumbles. We've all been there. No one should expect you to walk on eggshells. Tell 'em to put on their big girl panties and deal with it!




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Tue, 01-18-2011 - 7:59am

LOL @ put on their big girl panties and deal with it!

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 01-18-2011 - 1:34pm

TXmom, Why is your DH squad restricting themselves to talk to their spouses to only once a month? Is it to stay focused or to avoid looking like whusies? I don't get it.

Michelle, i totally feel for you. My sweetie was in the Navy but is now working as a civilian for special ops anti piracy but they have to relocate every so often and live out of hotels. Right now they are in the US but he said that they may be relocating out of the country by the end of the year (wahhh!). It's very difficult as we are just starting out and he works 24 hr shifts a lot. He can barely get sleep and it's hard for me since i'm used to him calling me nearly every night. Now, it's been a few days since i've spoken to him on the phone but he did finally text me yesterday. I was so happy when he text me to tell me that he is falling more and more in love with me everyday. That just makes this even more difficult honestly and i am doing everything in my power to keep myself sane lol. I miss hearing his voice every night. it is so difficult to go to sleep without him but i have just learned to cope. I knew going into this that he did have to work a lot and be away from home a lot so I knew what I was getting myself into. It's tough because we don't know when's the next time that he will be able to fly out for a week but i am glad that he does get to take time off and I am looking foward to seeing him hopefully next month. It kills me when he gets home and tells me how tired and sore he is. I just want to give him a nice message and cater to him. It is very difficult for me to not be able to at least speak to him because my mind goes cazy with worry, wondering if he's ok but we can all look forward to the next time we see them. We all have that peace of knowing that we can count down the days (if we know when they are coming back home) till we see them. That at least gives us something to look forward to. Thank god for these wonderful men who put their lives on the line to support us and our country. That makes me proud and gives me the strength to keep being there for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Tue, 01-18-2011 - 3:32pm

These guys are on their first deployment with the exception of my DH.

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 8:02pm

Hi Michelle,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 12:26am

I know I'm a tad late replying... When Rob was in we only had one deployment and lots of work-ups ( from as short as 1 week to 2 months) and we def. fought A LOT right before the deployment, because of all of the stress of him leaving. I'm sure you'll shortly find your grove and may will be here before long!

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