Just a bit confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Just a bit confused...
12
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 3:55am

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Edited 10/29/2009 3:15 pm ET by ilovemywarrior

 


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 10:01am
Hi, Tarah. I can't speak much for him being "in the field" and that that means he's doing or how easily he could or couldn't call while there because 1. I haven't had to deal with that yet and 2. my BF is not a Marine. By the way, I'm Megan and my BF is Tru. We've been together getting close to a year and a half now and we're 3 months away from finishing our first deployment (his 2nd). About
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 1:22am

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Edited 10/29/2009 3:16 pm ET by ilovemywarrior

 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 8:26am

Hey Tarah,
I'm Mary/27/Maine and my DB is Ryan/23/Maine/retired Navy. Ryan and I have been through a few deployments. Have you heard from Mel or Rebekkah (our CL) on this topic? (I haven't checked to see who has replied to you or not.) I emailed both of these lovely ladies during Ryan's last deployment. I was feeling like you, lost, confused, and a bit worried.

One thing to remember, you are not alone. There are several of us out there who have gone through, or are going through, what you are experiencing now. Communication will varying on what is going on with your guy. Not hearing from him for a while is a common trait!

I remember when Ryan was gone the last time, his 6 month deployment, I kept an agenda book/calendar. It was set up by week. Each day I heard from him (email, chat, txt, phone call!!, mail) I wrote it down. It was my reminder to treat each form of communication as a gift.

You WILL hear from him. Don't you worry!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 3:48am

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Edited 10/29/2009 3:16 pm ET by ilovemywarrior

 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 9:28pm

It's time to start dating like your a Cubs fan and face up to the fact that while this probably isn't your season, there's another one coming, and it might be it.

Women tend to analyze and rationalize things way beyond the scope intended (or even considered) by most men. But the bottom line is that actions speak way louder than words. It doesn't really matter what kind of game this guy is talking because he's not backing up his words with actions. But instead of calling the game and moving on to the next season (i.e. relationship), you're sticking yourself in the middle of a losing streak by making excuses for his behavior. Yes, military men can get very busy at times, but the job is not an excuse to act like a jerk, and you deserve better. There is absolutely no reason he couldn't tell you tentative leave dates (or if he doesn't have them, simply say as much), call most of the time he says he will, etc. The reason he doesn't is because you're just not that high on his priority list. Period.

So, you love him. I get it. But honestly, do you really want to love someone who places so little importance on your feelings? I don't think so. I know I wouldn't. I think you're more in love with the idea of him or the person he might have been at one point in your relationship. It happens to all of us at one time or another, but you deserve better. Call it: either he needs to shape up, or he gets benched.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 8:59am

Hi Tarah,

I haven't introduced myself before, but I'm Marin. I dated a MM for 3 years, but we weren't right for each other. Since then, I've met and married an amazing man.

I agree with Mel on this one. If a guy wants to be with you, he will move mountains. Even my ex-boyfriend, who was deployed to Iraq, never went more than 3 weeks without calling me. And he had to stand in line and use a pay phone.

When you truly love someone, you want to hear their voice. Texts just don't cut it. Your boyfriend could definitely find the time to call, even if it means telling you that he can only talk for a minute or two. He obviously has access to a cell phone if he's texting, so this is pretty ridiculous.

Honestly, being with someone that isn't 100% committed is wasting your time. Eventually, he'll wake up to the fact that you're not the one, or he'll get tired of having a girlfriend that he feels lukewarm about. I know it hurts to hear this, but it's better to walk away early than to deal with the pain and frustration that will continue to build in the relationship. And also, you could be missing out on meeting your soul mate by being with the wrong guy.

:-) Marin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 9:27pm

My gut feeling... MARRIED!!!

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 9:48pm

You wrote:
"I love him so much, this whole thing just sucks and I don't want to be that girl who doesn't get it and hangs on to something that isn't there or to someone who doesn't want her! I'm not ending things, just venting for now. If anyone has any insight positive or negative, I'd love to hear it!"

Well, my dear, I'm terribly afraid you are "that girl"... something is up with this guy. Whether it is like Tricia said and he is married (or dating someone else), or he just wants to break it off with you and doesn't have the heart to say the words, not calling you for a month and a half while he is IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is bull. He's not in this relationship at all. He is not in love with you. You need to break it off while you still have some dignity. I'm sorry, but those are the facts. We are big on tough love on this board, so I hope you don't think we're ganging up on you, we just don't want to see you fall victim any longer.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 11:51pm
When I responded to your post earlier, I told you about when my BF PCS'd to Texas and we had a fight about communication because he didn't call me in just a week. At the time the girls here all basically told me to put on my big girl panties and give him some time because he was very possibly legitimately busy. Even so, we still ended up fighting about it but when he realized how upset I was, he changed his behavior. He is still not much of a phone person (with anyone) but when I called him, he answered. If he couldn't answer, he called me back during the same day. While deployed he hasn't called a lot and rarely calls simply because he wants to (every couple of months he'll call without being asked) but when I ask him to call me because I want to hear his voice, he gets to a phone as soon as possible or he calls my computer through our Yahoo messengers and we talk that way. The point is, I decided before he ever deployed that not getting phone calls from him regularly was going to be ok for me as long as he made efforts to contact me in other ways or make me feel important. Since he deployed, I've gotten surprises in the mail, sweet emails, photo comments on the new pictures I load to myspace or facebook, and text messages just to tell me goodnight or good morning, even when he's about to go to work and can't talk. It sounds to me like what you are getting right now isn't enough for you and that even though he knows how it makes you feel he isn't making any effort to change. Telling you to chill and understand is not acceptable when he is giving no explanation for not calling AND making promises that he apparently has no intentions of keeping. He's stateside now and hasn't called you in a month and a half and is being shady about other information (i.e. his leave), can you imagine how bad he will treat you when he deploys? Again, I'll repeat what Erin said that we aren't trying to gang up on you, we just don't like seeing any girls on this board treated badly.
Another thing that jumps out at me is that you keep saying "he says he'll call" but you don't ever talk about calling him yourself. Why is that? Has he told you not to call him? Huge red flag!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 2:31am

Hey gals, if you read back thru this post fyi, I'm making a different account. Just my way of cleansing...I'm special I know. Anyway, thx for all the advice and for taking to time to reply to me.

 


 

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