=] a little direction is all i need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
=] a little direction is all i need.
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 10:24pm

Hiii Everyone,

I just need direction or advice on this whole "dating a military man" thing. I am in my last year of college and

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 2:35am

For my husband and I, it was a lot of patience and visits when we could do it. He was already in the Army when we started dating, so I didn't have to deal with the beginning training stuff. We decided we wanted to elope because neither of us wanted a big wedding. We dated for about a year before we got married. Then we spend the first 4 months of our marriage long-distance while I get things arranged to move to where he was at.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 11:21pm

Unlike Stacey and her husband, Tom and were fortunate enough to live close together while we were dating. (He was already active duty and had deployed once before we met.) My city of residence and his post were only about an hour and half apart, so he would come to my city on Friday evenings after he was released and then go back on Sunday evening to be in formation on Monday morning. While we were apart, we'd talk on the phone every day. Sometimes, we'd only be able to talk for a few minutes, and other times, we might talk for an hour or two. The only exceptions were field exercises during which phones weren't permitted. (Sorry, the "no phones" thing doesn't always end after training, though it does become more the exception than the norm unless he is working in a secure location in which phones and other devices aren't permitted.) So, like Stacey, we visited when we could. We were just able to visit more often.

We did that for about seven months until word came down that his deployment was moving up by 3-4 months, which also threw a giant monkey wrench into our plans. (Long story, short: He was supposed to leave the unit for Green to Gold before the deployment, but with the accelerated timeframe, those orders were pulled. So, we went from looking at 4 deployment-free years to imminent deployment.) At that point, I gave up the job I'd had for seven years to take another job that would allow me to relocate and live with him. Career-wise, it was a HORRIBLE decision, but I wouldn't change it. I made it because the time with him was more important than the job (which was going to end due to a company acquisition three months later anyway, albeit with a really nice severance package).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 12:16pm

I think I may be the only "single" girl left on the boards... other than the couple who are engaged but not married quite yet, lol

Like Stacey and Mel, I wasn't there for all the beginning training with my boyfriend, so I can't fully relate to the newness of it all. Here is our story though.

We met mid-May of 2008. He had just returned from his first 15-month deployment the end of April, where he had been deployed with a friend of mine from high school. In talking to said friend one night, several of his buddies (including my now BF) tried to pretend to be my friend and a couple of them ended up with my phone number. After talking nearly every day for a week, my BF decided that he was going to leave as soon as PT ended (they had the day off except for PT) and drive over 2 hours to meet me in person, despite the fact that he'd only get to spend an hour or two with me before I left to go to a bunch of concerts for the weekend. We met and had lunch, then I had to leave. He didn't want to leave though so he decided to get a hotel room and buy a ticket for the concerts the next day so he could go with me, despite the fact that he HATES country music. So we ended up spending a large portion of that weekend together, along with my friends, and then talked every night that following week. The next weekend was Memorial Day weekend and he came up and spent the entire weekend with me, even meeting my family, despite the fact that we hadn't even talked about what we were exactly. The day after Memorial Day he left on his post-tour leave and was gone to California for a month. Even with the time difference we talked every single day he was gone and he even cut his vacation short to come back and spend a day or two with me before reporting back to work.

By this time we considered ourselves dating and were talking seriously about the future because while in Iraq he had received his orders to PCS to Fort Hood. At the moment, I was at school in Augusta, GA while he was stationed at Fort Benning in Columbus, GA (250 miles apart). I chose to do a fieldwork rotation of one week in Columbus and stayed with him for 9 days straight, despite the fact that we'd only known each other for about 2 months at that point. I think we spent one other weekend together (with me making the drive since I didn't have class on Friday during the summer) and then he managed to come to Augusta for his birthday the beginning of October, literally right before he moved to Texas. From October of 2008 until December of 2009 we were extra-long distance (I consider our beginning months long distance as well since it was 250 miles!). He bought a plane ticket for me and I was able to go visit him from right after Christmas until the beginning of 2009, and then my dad paid half of a plane ticket for me to be able to visit him a second time in February, not long before he deployed for the second time. He spent 10 months in Iraq the second time, returning in December 2009 at which point I moved to Texas to be able to live with him. He just got out of the Army last month and we are living back in Georgia with my family currently. We've been talking about getting married for a while, but he wants to take things a little slower than I do because he is divorced after his ex cheated on him during his first deployment. So we're living together, trying to buy a house currently, and making plans for the distant future at the moment.

As for what helped us, I definitely agree with Mel about the dailly emails. Sometimes it would be a week or more before he would be able to check his email but I still emailed him every single night, telling him all the things I would want him to know if he were with me, or if I was talking to him on the phone at night. Some days he even got multiple emails because I'd tell him about my day and then I wouldn't be able to sleep so I'd send him another. Unlike Mel, communication was scarce with us while he was deployed. He didn't have his own computer so there were times that he'd go to use one of the provided computers and be in line waiting so long that he had to leave to sleep instead of being able to get online. Once he got a computer (bought at a PX while he was deployed) our communication greatly increased, but it was toward the end of his deployment. While your boyfriend is not deployed, it will be much easier for communication and as long as you keep those lines open and work at it together, you'll be just fine!