My SF man is moving 12 hours away...Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
My SF man is moving 12 hours away...Advice?
Tue, 05-29-2012 - 12:42pm

Hi all! So I'm hoping you ladies might be able help me out a little. 

I've been dating the man that I'm convinced God put on this planet just for me for 9 months. Things have been absolutely perfect-- we never fight, we have shared interests, and both of our families think that each of us has found "the one." He is 28, I'm 26, and he's been going through the SF Q-course for the duration of our relationship. He'll graduate toward the end of June, and just found out two weeks ago that he'll be stationed in Florida (I'm in NC). He won't actually move until the end of August/beginning of September; by that time, we will have been dating a year.

Now that you have the backstory, here's what I'm struggling with-- I'm at the point in my life where I want to settle down. I want to get married, think about having kids in the next few years, and really live a life with someone (him, specifically). I would move to Florida with him in a heart-beat if he asked me, but I really don't think he's going to. I was already very settled when we first started dating-- I own my own horse farm, I have a great career and I live close to all of my family. We haven't really discussed his whole moving to Florida thing in detail, he just said that "we would make it work." I feel like he's hesitant to even broach the subject of my coming along (at some point) because he doesn't want me to leave my life here to follow him, when he'll likely be deploying and gone frequently and doesn't want me in a new place alone.

After three years, he'll be returning to NC to take an instructor position and we've already talked about him moving in with me at that point. The thing is, I don't want to wait that long to move forward in our relationship. When he moves, after we have been dating a year, I feel as though we'll be moving backward instead of forward, and further away from everything I want/am ready for. 

I know that he and I just need to have a very frank conversation, but I'm not sure what all I should say. I have plenty of time to think about the conversation/what questions I should ask because he's in his last phase of training and will be totally out of touch for the next month. I'm hoping you all might be able to offer some advice about this conversation in the interim.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 3:05pm
How are things going now that he's graduated?