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|Thu, 02-25-2010 - 6:38pm|
Hey all. I've been reading posts for months. Glad to finally be joining in. I've got a doozy, I'll try to keep it short but it's gonna be tough.
I have an ex, first love, 10 years ago, etc... He called me 3 years ago from Iraq, I wasn't ready to communicate. We reconnected this year while he's in AFG. Same ol' story, things go great, talking all the time, etc...
Then a few months into it communication got really bad and has been that way since. WHEN we talk, it's great. It's strictly online (and I sent one care pkg). Due the past I wasn't ready for more and now it would just be weird. We're not at that stage where calling for five minutes of expensive, broken conversation is necessary. I don't know that he has time for letters. He now no longer has regular internet access and is in a tent. I finally broke down and offered both (calls or letters, after losing internet), but no response.
I can tell you a few positives on his behalf. He says the right things (no charm, no trying to convince me, clearly not playing me). He says it's unintentional, and he's sorry. Wants to come home, wishes he could be here and could help (just had surgery and lost my job). I even got an "I'll be home soon" a few weeks ago. I am certain he is not lying about stuff because evidence backs it up. He MAY be holding back or hiding stuff, reasonably due to circumstances. He also admitted to some serious issues...relating to deployment and mission, around Thanksgiving.
There is so much to analyze but I'm torn between "he can't help it" and "if he really wanted to make effort, there are ways." Every situation is unique and this is no exception, with our history. But it is HARD to believe. With Christmas, New Years, V-day, my B-day and surgery all passing with hardly a word, the last 3 months have been worse than the previous 6. I'm not basing my life off of this, He knows very clearly I need him here in person to move ahead. But, concerning the last bit of separation and redeployment I have questions.
First...is this normal? The actions not adding up to the words? I can't stress enuf, this is not an 18-yr old crush. We are mature adults who have moved very slowly and restrained appropriately. I am not at all being used. At worst, he would be pulling away for whatever reason...which unfortunately just sometimes happens. But I just honestly cannot tell.
Second, am I okay just letting things lie in his hands for the next communication? I know it's stressful, I know it's hard. I WANT to be there. But I am going through my own stuff too (above surgery and job loss). I don't want to beat a dead horse when I don't know what is going on. But by leaving him the rains, I risk not being there when he needs someone and I know very well that the alternate support system is not great.
And lastly, what do I expect when he is back? The fantasy of course is that I'm top priority and we spend lots of time together and things progress. But in reality there is re-adjustment and we are not a couple. He will return just as my recovery is over (4-6 more weeks), so I'm not losing anything by waiting. But I'm afraid that a month back without getting together be too much for me.
As much as I'd like to say that "we are different" and "but this special"...we are just like everyone else and have the same struggles. I have never dealt with military before. I am more than willing to do so, when I know it's worthwhile but am having extreme difficultly judging "worthwhile" in these circumstance. Any insight would be great appreciated!