Racy Pictures

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Racy Pictures
14
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 4:01pm

So, last night I went to check my email. Since Rob and I both have hotmail accounts I typed hotmail into the address bar and Rob's email account came up since he didn't sign out. The email that was up was sent by his childhood best friend, Scott, and it was a picture of a topless girl.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 4:28pm
If I had a friendship with Scott, I would address it with him in the context of you saw the pic sent to Rob and I didn't think that most women would want pics of themselves forwarded to others without them knowing.

If you don't and this causes issues between the two of you, I would ignore. Personally, it wouldn't bother me in that context because Rob isn't receiving these photos from the women but from a friend that apparently needs some kind of validation. You have to decide if that is more about your body issues and worth a compromise.

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 4:54pm

I wouldn't call Scott and I friends, we've met in person once and we're friends on fb, but that's about it... I could just see it if I called him out on forwarding pictures "Dude, you're wife is going though your email." I guess I'll just keep my lips tight about it even though it does bother me. At least Rob's no longer emailing the TSA whore. =)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 4:54pm
Oh and thanks for the input Tricia. I thought you'd give me some good words =)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:12pm
My knee-jerk reaction would be to feel 15 types of bad about my body images and feel really hurt. After I slept on it, I would see that he's not really doing anything bad. As Tricia said, only you can answer if it's more about your body image or him looking at women.

GL with Scott. The dude sounds like a real peach. **eyeroll**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:28pm
It's a little both, because it seriously doesn't bother me when it's someone getting paid to take their clothes off but I feel like it's different when it's a "real" person. If that makes any sense.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 10:30pm
I think that totally makes sense (your last post) and I have a feeling I'd be bothered by it, too. My suggestion for whether or not to say anything to Rob is to give it a few days, then if it is still in the front of your mind and really bothering you, *then* think about talking to him about it. There have been things that I said something to Nic and then wished I hadn't, because by the time we got done arguing about it I didn't even care anymore.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 10:56pm
It make sense to me. Watching porn and going to strip clubs doesn't have any personal connections. However, if this is someone they work with or see on the regular, that would hit a nerve.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Fri, 04-15-2011 - 12:50am

Okay, I'm going to have a slightly different take on it.

Personally, I feel like there's some inappropriate behavior going on, but that's just my opinion. After years of struggling with my weight and teetering on the brink of a full-blown eating disorder, and after my appearance being one of the favorite targets of my abusive ex-husband and being cheated on by literally every boyfriend/husband I had between the ages of 15 and 29 (when I met Tom), I'm pretty sensitive to such things. Personally, I think it's okay for a guy to look at a racy picture or video or whatever now and then. It happens. (I'm not saying I want to know about it, but it happens.) And if it doesn't bother his spouse, I don't think it's a problem for a married man to look at and/or collect all the racy pictures he wants. But the thing is, it DOES bother you, and that should be a good enough reason for it to change.

Whether this is about a behavior that is legitimately inappropriate or about your own self-esteem issues, you should be able to talk about it with Rob and work out a solution. After all, you guys aren't kids who have been dating for a few months. You're married with a kid. Your relationship should be open and honest enough for you to tell him that you weren't intentionally snooping (You weren't, were you? If you were, stop doing that.) but that you have seen a couple of things that bother you. And you should be able to talk to each other and work out a solution that works for both of you. Maybe you wouldn't be as bothered if he didn't save the pictures he was sent. Maybe he does need something visual at times and would like some racier pictures of you. There's a lot of wiggle room in the whole issue. The point is that if you can't talk about an issue like this with the person you've pledged to love forever and spend the rest of your life with, what kind of life is that going to be?




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Fri, 04-15-2011 - 4:00pm

So a day after I posted this I found something DEFFENTLY not OK in the computer history. Clicked on Craigslist (because I ma always looking at job postings, furniture, homes for sale ) and the personals section had been clicked, so I DID look into the history and saw ads that were looked at. I cannot tell you how hurt and sick I felt at that point. Long story short, we had a HUGE blow up over it. Rob thought it was a non issue, I felt other wise. And I do believe him when he said he didn't "do" (call/email/text) anything. After hours (really, hours) of fighting and after about 45 mins of "cool down".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Fri, 04-15-2011 - 10:25pm

Oh wow, Jennie. I'm sorry you found evidence of a more serious problem. I don't blame you for being upset. I'm pretty sure a large part of my thought process would have been, "Okay, I believe you haven't actually done anything...YET." Because, really, if there wasn't even the consideration of doing something, what's the point in looking? (Unless, of course, Rob has become a chick-lit author and needs good fodder for a character partaking in online dating. In which case, tell him to stop spying on me and stealing my ideas.) And you're right, neither of you can control what other people do, but you can always control how you react to it, and obviously, there's an issue. I do hope you guys can get some help and find a solution.




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