Scared and frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Scared and frustrated
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 10:10am

I started dating this amazing man, who is in the Navy and he's my first real relationship after my divorce.
When I met him, I fell in love with him pretty quickly because he's absolutely amazing...never felt like this before, not even for my ex husband.
He told me last month that there was a possibility that he'd be shipped to Afghanistan this month and he sent me an email last week, telling me that he's got to be in Afghanistan this month and it scares the hell out of me because I'm scared he may never come back.
He told me that when he comes back, he wants to make me his wife so that makes it even harder for me that he's going away.
I've already gone for a few weeks without seeing him because he's off somewhere right now so all I can do now is hope that he can come back for at least 1 night before he leaves so that I can see him.

My problem is, is when he does get shipped off, since I'm not his wife, how am I going to find out if something happens to him?
And how often can they email and/or Skype when over seas like that?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 11:49am
First off, please edit your post to remove the dates in it. Posting specific dates violates OPSEC and can put him and all the people with him in danger.

As far as how you will find out if something happens, he can put you as the person to notify in case of emergency or he could give his parents (or whoever his next of kin is) your contact information so they can tell you if anything comes up. This is something you need to talk to him about soon so you can have a plan.

As far as his ability to communicate with you, it really depends on where he is and what he is doing. You really can't compare what one person is able to do to another because it can vary for so many reasons. It's one of those things that really, you'll figure out once he's there and settled.

The best thing you can do is be patient and take it one day at a time. Once he is there and settled, you guys can try to get a routine going, but remember things can change in an instant, so you have to try to stay flexible. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 2:30pm

Stacey really hit the nail on the head with her answers to your questions.

What I'd like to add is that even though he can list you among those to be notified in case of casualty (injury or death), he should also let his family (or those highest on his notification list) know about your importance to him and give them instructions to keep you "in the loop" if needed. In addition, even if you don't live near his base, you might consider getting involved with his unit's FRG (family readiness group). Many FRGs do welcome the participation of non-spouses (i.e. parents, significant others, close friends) as long as the soldier approves their participation. If you don't live near the base, you may not be able to attend meetings, but a good FRG will often send out periodic newsletters and such to keep far-flung members informed.