Starting to lose it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2011
Starting to lose it
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 7:15pm

I just found this board and maybe I could find people who know and feel the same things I'm going through. My boyfriend is deployed, for the first month we would talk everyday, we had a few skype dates too. We had some really good conversations and just enjoyed eachothers company and now lately it seems as if he really don't want to talk any more. I've adjusted my sleeping, and work just so I could get the chance to talk to him, I'm a Flight Attendant so i really don't have a set work day but we've always made it work. I would be tried at the end of the week from flying and staying up late to talk to him before he went to work, and getting up eairly to talk to him before he went to bed, Lately our conversations have been really short, and it seems like things that he use to do are start going out the window, we don't talk like we use to and i am just starting to lose my mind, Like the last few times we've talked I've just ended up snapping on him, I understand that he is going through a lot over there right now but i just really don't know what to do. The skype dates have gone out the door, along with what seems like everything else. I'm just starting to lose my mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 11:21pm

Since you haven't really given us any background information such as how long you were dating before he was deployed, or possible reasons for things going awry, I can answer only generally.

If your relationship is such that it was non-existent or very new prior to deployment, you must face the possibility that his feelings have changed. However, if the relationship is more established, you may want to consider simply that deployments are unpredictable -- at best -- and that things are unlikely to remain unchanged throughout. Soldiers often move from place to place, and even if they don't, accessibility to the technology that allows them make phone calls, use Skype, send e-mails, etc, is dependent upon many variables. In addition, a soldier's schedule and workload is unlikely to remain consistent throughout a deployment.

For example, during my husband's first deployment after our marriage, I heard from him every couple of days during the first month or so while the unit was at a major FOB (forward operating base) before moving to their more remote patrol base. Once at the PB, I didn't hear from him at all for a few weeks while they were setting up their communications network and taking over command (change of command is a very busy and stressful time). Throughout the deployment, we would have months when I would hear from him every few days and months when I'd be lucky to get one five minute phone call. It just depended on what was going on, if the network (including basics like electricity) was working, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 5:06pm
I ditto everything Mel said. However, I thought I'd throw my experience out there.

When DH first deployed, we got to talk via im about 3x a week. There would be little hiccups here and there due to weather, power outtages, connection, etc.

Then a mortar hit the satellite so we lost ALL internet communication for awhile. So I would get a phone call about 1-2x a week and a letter about 1x a week.

As Mel said, a variety of communication problems happen in the course of a deployment, but it's not an excuse to check out of the relationship. My famous saying was always "snail mail still works." It may take awhile but it's something.