Not sure what to do about...................

Are they alternating chores each day? If so, maybe try have them alternating each week. It might help cut down on the finger pointing on who was supposed to do what on which day or who didn't do their job on their day.

Some of it is just him being 14. I teach middle school so I know all about that. My favorite line is "I'm not a little kid." "That's right you're not. So, don't be surprised that when you don't get X b/c you didn't do Y, I don't have anything to say. You're old enough to know the routine of how things go. You know the rules and the consequences."

I don't think it'll hurt to ask your DH to write him an e-mail or a letter just to reinforce how important it is to follow the rules when he's gone. I know it's hard b/c we don't want to bother them with what we see as non-important or stressful, but sometimes they want to know and want to help.

oh save us all from the finger pointing!

My two are killing me with the finger pointing. It doesn't matter what the issue is, they always blame each other. And they're only 7 and 3, with the 3YO being way worse.